Another little gem.
perfectly imperfect conjures up so many things in my mind depending on mood. If I am looking at my husband then he is perfectly imperfect for me. If I look at friends they are not perfect in themselves but to me they are a perfect fit.
Night without stars sums it up. Like ying without yang. That feel that the person is
part of you and it would be a huge thing to
be without them like the night without stars.
A follow up reinforcement of the fact that the person has faults but reiteration that this doesn't make any difference to the attraction between you. You are drawn like a moth to a flame.
A lovely romantic poem with so much scope for the imagination. Sums up the reality of friendships and love that nothing is perfect but is perfect for you. Loved it Milly xx
I nice compact poem here with an eye catching form. I will comment in full now:
Title - Imperfections - nice word, from Google: a fault, blemish, or undesirable feature.
this is sufficiently ambiguous to be interesting and make the reader want to read more. Like a front cover of a publication and its title, it needs to grab and make you want to take it off the shelf. *reached forward and removes Em's poem from the virtual shelf*
Line one - the alliteration here is lovely and somehow makes me think of Mary Poppins. Crazy? Well, let me explain - Julie Andrews sings this song in the film: here is a link to the lyrics - http://www.themusicallyrics.com/m/103-mary-poppins/744-practically-perfect.html
Anyway, I digress which is usually usual for me. See what I did there! lol
Line 2 - Excellent simile here - drawing comparisons to a sky devoid of 'stars' creates feeling of connection, knowing that although the sky has no stars, the night is perfect to you!
Line 3 - This line explains the previous ones well. Accepting a person for their flaws is part of loving them unconditionally and not solely on what their merits. The wordy word 'misdemeanours' is a good one and works well with the alliteration and general word play in the previous lines. I like it!
Line 4 - Not sure if you needed this one, but it does lead well into the 5th line. I may have just trailed the 3rd like this: You have many misdemeanours...
this would have implied the 4th line without saying it - somehow that can have more impact...
Line 5 - one word 'but' you have used this as a pivot a place to turn the aforementioned text around.
My only suggestion here would be to make the most of this area, like this perhaps?
this way the capitalisation emphasises the significance of the single word and the trail leads nicely into the final section...
Lines 6 and 7 - this works well, revealing to the reader how your love is fraught, a history of break-ups. Going back, just to be hurt again, but hoping that this time it will be different.
A suggestion for a closing line: Like a moth I'll return time after time.
This uses a simile that can portray an image of persistent harm caused by seeking a light that results in pain every time.
Thank you for your comment Michael as always get are very much appreciated and thorough which I like. Also, thanks for your edit suggestions I feel they'll work well and still do what I set out to do.
Take care, Em
Thank you for your comment Michael as always they are very much appreciated and thorough which I like. Also, thanks for your edit suggestions I feel they'll work well and still do what I set out to do.
Take care, Em
1 year ago
I just. Adore this poem. I just simply do. ^_^ I wish I had come up with it, awe! lol
I love the comparison so much
'Like a night without stars'
On point, So cute and sweet and even a little humorous