Memories lost, unfaded

by Rsan   Apr 26, 2016


The emotions I ever felt, were ever vivid, ever intense
For at times I'd knelt, debating on whether life or I was insane

For they would lit my timeline, each and everyday
And would choke me sighing, drowning me all the way

The memories I can't share, will always be worth the mention
For I seem to only care, recalling our love's ascension

Some hunt my conscious, sapping life from my life
Making it look so obvious, a heartbroken fool with strife

The feelings for you I had, were none like ever before
Still making me sad, still lurking around my chamber door

To us two beings, nothing was mightier than our love
It grant us Hermes' wings, soaring happily and above

7


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Latest Comments

  • 7 years ago

    by Mr. Darcy

    Hello Ryan,

    A lovely flowing piece consisting of rhyming couplets. The spacing helps to give the necessary reflective pause.

    There maybe a typo with the word 'lit'? Should it be light?

    Good work.

    Michael

  • 7 years ago

    by Augustus Black

    Once again the true meaning of love has been explained by another poet. Love is great and it becomes physically powerful as a couple keeps on clinging with each other for a long time.

    I like the way you are respecting your love. Hope you will find your memories back soon.

    The wording and stream is of high class and the rhyming also is good.

    Now Here,

    For they would lit my timeline, each and everyday
    And would choke me sighing, drowning me all the way

    The vital expression I can see above is that humans can be effected by memories by both the cases. Sometimes it brings bliss and sometimes just the opposite.

    And the last two lines are remarkable.

    So, it's a nice write and keep on going. 5/5

    • 7 years ago

      by Rsan

      Thanks for taking your time for a keen reading and feedback upon my work Augastus.Much gratitude and appreciation'

  • 7 years ago

    by Lune de ma vie

    Wow... This is strong.. I was able to relate to the words and sentences in this poem. Made me tear up and feel what you've expressed within it. Geez such a powerful short, yet emotional piece.
    5/5

    • 7 years ago

      by Rsan

      Am glad that you were able to relate to the poem'Much thanks and gratitude for taking your time

  • 7 years ago

    by Rsan

    So much thanks for your generous review and feedback.I have gotten to see how suggestions you gave could better the poem and they do. I ll try to improve my writing next time I hope..

    Again much appreciation for the review michael'

  • 7 years ago

    by Mr. Darcy

    Hello Rsan,

    I dark write from you. I will comment now for you...

    The emotions I ever felt, were ever vivid, ever intense
    ^
    I like the repeated 'ever' it makes pleasing sound, like a refrain.

    For at times I'd knelt, debating on whether life or I was insane
    ^
    An interesting concept - wondering whether the craziness is life or oneself.

    For they would lit my timeline, each and everyday
    And would choke me sighing, drowning me all the way
    ^
    Here the word 'lit should be 'light' and 'sigh' which then sounds like 'line' and this is good. The rest it excellent.

    The memories I can't share, will always be worth the mention
    For I seem to only care, recalling our love's ascension
    ^
    all good here - nice rhyme and note of only talking about the good times (ascension)

    Some hunt my conscious, sapping life from my life
    Making it look so obvious, a heartbroken fool with strife
    ^
    The rhyme life with life is good. The word fool and strife could do with changing, even if it was something like 'taking a blind man's sight with a knife'

    The feelings for you I had, were none like ever before
    Still making me sad, still lurking around my chamber door
    ^
    I like this - a love like no other. Even after the breakup the memories linger, teasing, never leaving.

    To us two beings, nothing was mightier than our love
    It grant us Hermes' wings, soaring happily and above
    ^
    A perfect mythical end with lovely imagery. A dream come true perhaps?

    Rsan, this is a good poem. The small suggestions are only that suggestions. Either way, I liked the poem and its theme of love.

    Take care,

    Michael

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