Hello Rsan

I've read a few love poems with a bittersweet air about them recently.
The problem with love it is that it can be truly wonderful but because of that, when it goes wrong, the scale tips entirely the other way and our memories and emotions seem to strangle us.
*first line of couplet 5 is missing an 'e' in 'none'.

Great write and all the best,
Ben

Rsan, a good poem with a good beat and rhythm.

Love can be really hard to handle at times can't it but we usually get there in the end.

Em

Rysan, a very real vibrant imagery of emotions in a man who has lost his love. That feeling that the memories so important
to you are nothing to the love lost.
That feeling when love strikes that it is the key to eternal happiness leaves a deep hollow hole when it is ripped away. A great
presentation of love lost Milly xx

Hello Rsan,

I dark write from you. I will comment now for you...

The emotions I ever felt, were ever vivid, ever intense
^
I like the repeated 'ever' it makes pleasing sound, like a refrain.

For at times I'd knelt, debating on whether life or I was insane
^
An interesting concept - wondering whether the craziness is life or oneself.

For they would lit my timeline, each and everyday
And would choke me sighing, drowning me all the way
^
Here the word 'lit should be 'light' and 'sigh' which then sounds like 'line' and this is good. The rest it excellent.

The memories I can't share, will always be worth the mention
For I seem to only care, recalling our love's ascension
^
all good here - nice rhyme and note of only talking about the good times (ascension)

Some hunt my conscious, sapping life from my life
Making it look so obvious, a heartbroken fool with strife
^
The rhyme life with life is good. The word fool and strife could do with changing, even if it was something like 'taking a blind man's sight with a knife'

The feelings for you I had, were none like ever before
Still making me sad, still lurking around my chamber door
^
I like this - a love like no other. Even after the breakup the memories linger, teasing, never leaving.

To us two beings, nothing was mightier than our love
It grant us Hermes' wings, soaring happily and above
^
A perfect mythical end with lovely imagery. A dream come true perhaps?

Rsan, this is a good poem. The small suggestions are only that suggestions. Either way, I liked the poem and its theme of love.

Take care,

Michael

So much thanks for your generous review and feedback.I have gotten to see how suggestions you gave could better the poem and they do. I ll try to improve my writing next time I hope..

Again much appreciation for the review michael'

Wow... This is strong.. I was able to relate to the words and sentences in this poem. Made me tear up and feel what you've expressed within it. Geez such a powerful short, yet emotional piece.
5/5

Once again the true meaning of love has been explained by another poet. Love is great and it becomes physically powerful as a couple keeps on clinging with each other for a long time.

I like the way you are respecting your love. Hope you will find your memories back soon.

The wording and stream is of high class and the rhyming also is good.

Now Here,

For they would lit my timeline, each and everyday
And would choke me sighing, drowning me all the way

The vital expression I can see above is that humans can be effected by memories by both the cases. Sometimes it brings bliss and sometimes just the opposite.

And the last two lines are remarkable.

So, it's a nice write and keep on going. 5/5

Hello Ryan,

A lovely flowing piece consisting of rhyming couplets. The spacing helps to give the necessary reflective pause.

There maybe a typo with the word 'lit'? Should it be light?

Good work.

Michael