Comments : I'd rather be alone..

  • 1 year ago

    by Ben Pickard

    Hello Em

    This is probably my favourite piece I have read of yours yet, both in its layout (tight stanzas) and its content.

    I'd rather be alone

    ^^

    Not a happy start to a poem and so I guess already the sentiment is a negative one, probably brought about by negative experiences.

    Stanza 1

    A woman gazing out of a shop window at the world passing by and reminiscing about a love that seems to have expired, for whatever reason. "All the love I had I felt it here but then with the hands of time they stopped."

    Stanza 2

    Remembering the love you shared and the good times, but then remembering what brought this reminiscing about to begin with.
    The reader at this point is still in the dark, so I read on...

    Stanza 3

    More painful memories - you talk of plans for marriage and even children, so this looking back over time must be about as painful as it can get.

    stanza 4

    The opening two lines are some of the best I have read from you: "The beating in my heart soon changed to your fists upon my face" - excellent work - really powerful stuff. Here, now, we get a glimpse of where it all went sour, but also an acknowledgment that - at that time - you were too weak to 'face the world alone'.

    Stanza 5

    And here, in the final stanza, you show strength in the fact that, no, he is not the man you need or want and you would rather be lonely and reminiscing as you peer from your shop window than put up with that again.

    Nominated. Great stuff,

    Ben

    • 1 year ago

      by Em

      Thank you Ben for the comment and vote as always but also for the nomination that means a lot as it took my strength to write something so close to heart but at least I know above all else I have some.

  • 1 year ago

    by Rsan

    Excellent writing, a very sad utmost poem we can relate and find ourselves better looking through the shop window' Tossing a coin here;-)
    Splendid work

    • 1 year ago

      by Em

      Thanks Rsan as always

  • 1 year ago

    by DarkLight

    Too much said.
    A picture well painted
    with a good flow
    causing the mind of the reader to interact with the events described in the poem.

    Beautiful write.

    • 1 year ago

      by Em

      Thanks Shanky. :)

  • 1 year ago

    by Milly Hayward

    Very honest well written poem about a subject that is often hard to talk about. Nearly wed isn't such a bad place to be in such a situation because being married it is a whole lot more difficult to get away from a violent man

    • 1 year ago

      by Em

      Thanks Milly Sometimes it's hard to talk which is why I write but then I hate that too.

      Em

  • 1 year ago

    by - Mr. Darcy

    Oh Em, this is powerful.

    The theme of looking back on a relationship and the glass of the shop work well.

    The mood of sweet love changed abruptly in verse 4. I liked the way you juxtaposed heart, symbol of love and fists, symbol of violence. The shock was like a fist to the face. I am unsure if you have read my poem 'Little Missy' but it reminded me of that kind of relationship. Domestic violence is commonplace and much of it is not reported.

    The best part, is the happy revelation that this man's evil ways is seen for what they are. This awakening is a key to freedom and happiness.

    A very good write Em.

    Take care,

    Michael

    • 1 year ago

      by Em

      Thanks Micheal. I will be sure to have a read of that as I can't recall it.

      Yes, the best thing is the freedom although I wish many others could get out

  • 1 year ago

    by Poetess

    Wow. Definitely a subject not many women are willing to talk about openly. I just found this so powerful towards the end, I had to reread it. Thank you for sharing this.

    • 1 year ago

      by Em

      I wish more women and men alike would come forward but it can be so difficult, thank you.

  • 1 year ago

    by Brenda

    Wow Em! This is deep! It is so scary knowing how many women are in this type of relationship and stay, sometimes out of fear, sometimes because they have no where else to go. The emotional abuse hurts as much as the physical, only you can't see the bruising. Wonderful brave write Em! Beautifully done-Brenda

    • 1 year ago

      by Em

      Thanks Brenda as always

  • 1 year ago

    by Phil Laws

    Very well written. It's a tough subject to come at tastefully and artfully, which I think you did.

    The hardest thing I ever wrote was along these lines, called "In Control". In many ways I feel it was too difficult to complete our is only complete enough.

    • 1 year ago

      by Em

      Thanks Phil I shall take a look :)

  • 1 year ago

    by The Po whet

    Wow, you've brought tears to my eyes with this piece of brilliant write. The imagery so vivid, "the beating in my heart soon changed to your fists upon my face ".The finishing line like tell the whole story of the woman looking through her window shop with all the disinterest. "watching the world pass me by/all the love I had... /then with the hands of time /they stopped ".It's so sad to lose that innocence of loving to taste the bitterness of love. Kudos for the powerful write

  • 1 year ago

    by Dagmar Wilson

    Abuse of any kind is a awful thing. It is all about power and control on their part. They claim to love us and convince us that it is our fault for them to act the way they do. Our self esteem is low and we feel that we don't deserve better. It takes time to get away but we get stronger and being alone isn't a bad thing. We don't need another person to make it worse. Thank you for sharing. Take care and all the best

    • 1 year ago

      by Em

      Thanks Dagmar. All the best