Comments : My African story (part 1)

  • 1 year ago

    by Em

    Hi I don't have time to comment so I've added this to my favourites to come back too.. :/ read again and comment... Just thought I'd say as I voted lol.

    Hope you're well, Em

  • 1 year ago

    by Hellon

    This was raw..I think it could have been a little better written and.if you edit it out it will be. Regardless it spoke to me and, although I think you may have been speaking through the voice of an ancestor the message still came through...I know many children in certain countries don;t have birth certificates but...I think that was before you were born?

    • 1 year ago

      by The Po whet

      Thanks Hellon for the comment, I appreciate it so much

  • 1 year ago

    by - Mr. Darcy

    A nicely thought out piece if writing. Like a story, it has a beginning, middle and a satisfying ending.

    Well done.

    • 1 year ago

      by The Po whet

      Thanks for the comment Mr Darcy, I so much appreciate it.

  • 1 year ago

    by Em

    Hi back to comment in full (takes head from up ass lol)

    This has a real emotional and personal feel to it. I like the structure as always and the way you intrigue the reader by asking if they want to hear a story as stories are always good especially those personal to us. Who doesn't like a good story?
    Then on you go... I'd like to say though none of us have fairy tale stories and if somebody tells you otherwise then know they are lying (lol) some may have had better starts etc but none are perfect.
    I'd like to thank your teacher for teaching you English as otherwise I wouldn't be able to read this (as I only know little spurts of French and Spanish) and we'd not be able to converse at all.
    As Hellon Said there are times/cultures that don't have birth certificates but I could imagine you not knowing your birthday. I'd love to be able to choose mine though, that would be awesome as I hate mine but I suppose it's a part of me and always will be even if I lose my marbles (which is possible)
    A harsh ending of the only date being true is that which will be on your death certificate but we are all heading the same way so very true.

    Beautiful, sad and intriguing write.
    Take care, Em

  • 1 year ago

    by Ben Pickard

    Moses

    This is wonderful, from-the-heart stuff and was told brilliantly throughout. I can see that people have suggested editing, but I think that would actually take the gloss off this; sometimes things can be overproduced and you lose the honest feel of the piece.

    Nominated.

    • 1 year ago

      by The Po whet

      Thanks Ben, I thought maybe I should write something different and it feels much better writing it this way. Thanks again.

  • 1 year ago

    by Meena Krish

    This poem really brings out the best in you and your writing is well portrayed as well as felt. I like the story line and it feels real like as if you the writer is telling the story while the reader is listening...nicely penned and enjoyed!

    • 1 year ago

      by The Po whet

      Thank you once again for the comment Meena,I appreciate.