Comments : A Tribute (Free Verse)

  • 7 years ago

    by IdTakeABulletForYou

    A poem from the heart, which is the best kind of poem. Very relevant too, and an honest piece that might embitter some people ... but it's what they need to hear. There were a few errors I noticed, and I'll repost underneath with the corrections that I'd make:

    Yesterday, I awoke
    to a world that was shaken.
    Yet another hate crime,
    this time in Orlando.
    ...so many lives were taken.
    Why would someone do this?
    They are blaming it on religion,
    though he has no excuse.
    For all the young lives gone,
    they will all be sorely missed
    by Friends, Family, Loved Ones...
    The world is grieving,
    for once again we are lost:
    Lost for words, Lost in our souls.
    With the actions of one sick man,
    a religion as a whole has once again come under fire--
    when it's not their fault.
    One man is getting fame
    for a hate crime he committed.
    The real people who need to be remembered
    are the ones who have lost their lives,
    and those who loved them.
    This could have been my friend you stole
    from this life, from this Earth, from this universe.
    How dare you feel you have that right.
    to go and kill everyone who is out at night
    I am sorry and I am floored.
    I don't believe I can take any more.
    Let's all band together
    and keep on remembering them as they were:
    Happy, Loved and Carefree.
    To the 50 souls who lost their lives in Orlando:

    You will be Forever in Our Minds, Our Hearts, and Our Souls.

    Rest Easy.

    I took some artistic liberties, to change some words around and add some extra context to make it easier to understand. I also added in some much-needed punctuation, and fixed some grammar/spelling errors.

    I believe this is a beautiful tribute to the victims.

    5/5
    IdTakeABulletForYou

    • 7 years ago

      by deeplydesturbed

      Thanks S. When I am in the "writing zone" I don't take much notice of spelling and punctuation. I just need to get it out before I forget something. Corrections made :)

  • 7 years ago

    by Em

    Naomi, what a lovely dedication and I hope more people read it because it's truly beautiful even if sad as it should never happen. I am petrified of bringing kids up in this world, disgusting.
    Religion is no excuse!!

    Em

    • 7 years ago

      by deeplydesturbed

      Thanks em. I have to thanks S for editing and making it better.
      And i am scared myself of living in this world. I could never put a child in such a hateful environment.

  • 7 years ago

    by Marvellous

    Depression untamed, breeds evil. Things go wrong, to turn good at last.

  • 7 years ago

    by Ren

    What happened in Orlando was a truly tragic and devastating act.
    You wrote a beautiful tribute for those innocent lives lost...and for the families who grieve for them.
    You also spoke very truthful words that need to be expressed by people more often.
    There is no excuse for any sort of hate crime such as what happened...
    I hope and pray for the day we no longer have to fear for our lives and can live in peace.

    Once again, a wonderful write and beautiful dedication.

  • 7 years ago

    by Robert Gardiner

    A Splendid & Powerful Write!!!