Always The Good Ones

by deeplydesturbed   Jun 21, 2016


Why am I always the first to make contact?
Why do I care what people think?
Why am I the only only one who seems to care?
Why do I feel like it's gone in a blink?

I always seem to be the one who helps others
I always seem to be forgotten
Lost in conversation, pushed behind
You don't know, my mind is really like absorbent cotton

I take it all in, every word said
Even if I am being silent
I hear all the rumours, whispers of fake truths,
Of me being a freak, a failure and a tyrant

Yes I need help sometimes
I've been on and off meds
I've been in white, blank hospital rooms
Where people get strapped to the beds

I have good days and bad
Like we all seem to do
But what did I do to get this backlash
Mistreatment from you

Cant someone just ask how I am for once
Knowing I am dealing with some issues
Holding my hand, hugging me, comforting
While I'm crying my eyes out, using boxes of tissues

I am afraid to open my heart
Show my true soul
All the pain hurt and suffering
I'm in my own personal jail

Why cant you just ask how I am
Once, just once I wish someone would
Maybe, today, tomorrow, next week
I will open up, take off my cape and my hood

I wish to not be left alone
To my dark thoughts and relying on meds
I want to be happy, healthy
Not spending day on end in bed

The darkness is back
Its very consuming
Inside my head all the time
It's telling me my end is looming

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Latest Comments

  • 7 years ago

    by Marvellous

    There's always one out there, who cares. You can never walk alone here.

  • 7 years ago

    by Em

    Oh as for a title how about...

    "always the good ones"

    • 7 years ago

      by deeplydesturbed

      Thanks Em! :)
      And Thank you for breaking it down and suggesting a title :)
      You know we all do wish someone was there when we really need them, but they aren't. they only seem to be around when they need help then disappear into nothing.. And I am okay with where I have been. The good news is I'm back, I'm working, I'm trying to live! I do still have terrible days, where I just want to be in bed and in the darkness, but having friends on here, who understand I write my emotions, it helps :)

      SO thank you, Em and everyone else on in our group.

  • 7 years ago

    by Em

    Naomi, this is a very powerful and personal piece. I was nearly in tears because I know if I was closer to you I'd be that shoulder you need and that I'd help the,best way I could even if it meant just listening or holding you til' you had no tears left but hey that's just me and also for myself as it was too relatable.

    Why am I always the first to make contact?
    Why do I care what people think?
    Why am I the only only one who seems to care?
    Why do I feel like it's gone in a blink?
    ^^
    Very powerful opening. I feel these are all rhetorical questions though like when you ask someone 'why do I bother?' To be honest it's always the nicest of us that gets hurt the most, unfortunately.

    I always seem to be the one who helps others
    I always seem to be forgotten
    Lost in conversation, pushed behind
    You don't know, my mind is really like absorbent cotton
    ^^
    Love the idea of your mind being absorbent cotton kike soaking up everything probably all the bad that's happened and as humans, we do.

    I take it all in, every word said
    Even if I am being silent
    I hear all the rumours, whispers of fake truths,
    Of me being a freak, a failure and a tyrant
    ^^
    This stanza probs my point that your mind takes in only the bad and stores it even if subconsciously but still in seeps through like the liquid would on cotton.

    Yes I need help sometimes
    I've been on and off meds
    I've been in white, blank hospital rooms
    Where people get strapped to the beds
    ^^
    Very, very personal I feel. :( no more can be said apart from sorry you got this bad.

    I have good days and bad
    Like we all seem to do
    But what did I do to get this backlash
    Mistreatment from you
    ^^
    I feel exactly the same. As I said it's usually the best of us that gets hurt the most.

    Cant someone just ask how I am for once
    Knowing I am dealing with some issues
    Holding my hand, hugging me, comforting
    While I'm crying my eyes out, using boxes of tissues
    ^^
    This would be fking great wouldn't it? Just,someone holding us whilst we cry would be amazing. HUGS!

    I am afraid to open my heart
    Show my true soul
    All the pain hurt and suffering
    I'm in my own personal jail
    ^^
    The imagery here of you being on your own personal jail is a very vivid, relatable part. Love that line.

    Why cant you just ask how I am
    Once, just once I wish someone would
    Maybe, today, tomorrow, next week
    I will open up, take off my cape and my hood

    I wish to not be left alone
    To my dark thoughts and relying on meds
    I want to be happy, healthy
    Not spending day on end in bed
    ^^
    These stanzas your plea for help just one person (maybe to not understand or even say they do) to just hold you tight whilst you let it all out. We don't ask for much do we? I think "to my dark thoughts and relying on meds" would read better "with my meds...." Only a suggestion.

    The darkness is back
    Its very consuming
    Inside my head all the time
    It's telling me my end is looming
    ^^^
    Very powerful end!!

    Very beautiful piece. You know where I am (hugs)
    Em

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