Maher - first attempt, good man? This is accomplished excellence and I won't hear otherwise!
Syllable count all correct, content excellent, and a title that doesn't repeat itself in the main body of work - great stuff. I'm nominating this one.
Thank you, Sir! Since it's come from you, I'll not say otherwise. Many thanks for the feedback, my friend :)
May the best follow eternally.
1 year ago
Maher, a great first senryu by you and to make it better you tripled it :)
Another enthralling dark piece by you as always, it may be short but it's great as usual though I feel this has something to do with what us collabs have read.
On with your dark words;
may they reach the sun and burn,
toasted by their lies.
A very powerful opening senryu and I feel that dark words will always move along especially when we don't take them on. If only we could kick them to the sun and watch them burn, now wouldn't that be amazing? Great imagery.
Speak of the future;
lie upon lie in all haste,
your vision now lost.
Wow, love this part and it does make me wonder again if it's about what you have been writing or just in general terms. Nobody can speak of our future without lies because how do they know how it'll pan out for us other than that we'll die?
Waste in your contract
with Jinn and devils this day;
your soul becomes theirs.
Powerful ending. I personally believe that we all have a 'devil' in us but that some bring it out more than others.
I know a crappy interpretation but I liked it ALOT!
I like a senryu, I especially like a triple senryu. No need for the apology. The syllable count is correct, there is plenty of dark imagery here and a turn in each senryu. What I like most about these is the tone, real anger coming through for me. I like how they tell such a story with so few words also. Great job, 10 points.