Comments : Soothsayer - Senryu (3 parts)

  • 1 year ago

    by Ben Pickard

    Maher - first attempt, good man? This is accomplished excellence and I won't hear otherwise!
    Syllable count all correct, content excellent, and a title that doesn't repeat itself in the main body of work - great stuff. I'm nominating this one.

    All the very best and well done,
    Ben

    • 1 year ago

      by Maher

      Thank you, Sir! Since it's come from you, I'll not say otherwise. Many thanks for the feedback, my friend :)

      May the best follow eternally.

  • 1 year ago

    by Em

    Maher, a great first senryu by you and to make it better you tripled it :)
    Another enthralling dark piece by you as always, it may be short but it's great as usual though I feel this has something to do with what us collabs have read.

    On with your dark words;
    may they reach the sun and burn,
    toasted by their lies.
    ^^^
    A very powerful opening senryu and I feel that dark words will always move along especially when we don't take them on. If only we could kick them to the sun and watch them burn, now wouldn't that be amazing? Great imagery.

    Speak of the future;
    lie upon lie in all haste,
    your vision now lost.
    ^^^
    Wow, love this part and it does make me wonder again if it's about what you have been writing or just in general terms. Nobody can speak of our future without lies because how do they know how it'll pan out for us other than that we'll die?

    Waste in your contract
    with Jinn and devils this day;
    your soul becomes theirs.
    ^^
    Powerful ending. I personally believe that we all have a 'devil' in us but that some bring it out more than others.
    I know a crappy interpretation but I liked it ALOT!
    Em

    • 1 year ago

      by Maher

      Thank you ma'am. It is to do with the story. I thought it'd be interesting to have something alongside it..kinda like a preview of what's to come lol.

      Thanks again :)

  • 1 year ago

    by deeplydesturbed

    This is brilliant sc!! =) i love it. Well done

    • 1 year ago

      by Maher

      Thanks USB :)

  • 1 year ago

    by IdTakeABulletForYou

    Well done, it came out beautiful!

    5/5
    V/r
    IdTakeABulletForYou

    • 1 year ago

      by Maher

      Thank you Sir, much appreciated :)

  • 1 year ago

    by Em

    It that case, I can't wait! :)

  • 1 year ago

    by Brenda

    Congratulations on your win! Not only was this your first Senryu but you did a three part one, talk about knocking it out of the park! Well done, well deserved. Brenda

    • 1 year ago

      by Maher

      Haha well this is unexpected! Thank you ma'am :)

  • 1 year ago

    by Em

    Congratulations on your win :)

    • 1 year ago

      by Maher

      Thank ya ma'am :)

  • 1 year ago

    by deeplydesturbed

    Congrats on your win SC

    • 1 year ago

      by Maher

      Thanks USB :)

  • 1 year ago

    by IdTakeABulletForYou

    Many congrats on winning with this beautiful piece!

    S

    • 1 year ago

      by Maher

      Thank you, Sir.

  • 1 year ago

    by hiraeth

    I gotta say, one hell of a first attempt for it to end up on the front page! Congrats on the win!

    • 1 year ago

      by Maher

      Thank you Sir :)

  • 1 year ago

    by Darren

    Judges comment

    I like a senryu, I especially like a triple senryu. No need for the apology. The syllable count is correct, there is plenty of dark imagery here and a turn in each senryu. What I like most about these is the tone, real anger coming through for me. I like how they tell such a story with so few words also. Great job, 10 points.

    • 1 year ago

      by Maher

      Thank you Sir, very much appreciated :)

  • 1 year ago

    by stormingdance (Jessica)

    Excellent use of word play, love it! Your imagery is definitely on point and I also feel the anger, but I feel like there is a heavy sense of finality at the end. But I could be blathering. ;)

    Great work!

    • 1 year ago

      by Maher

      Thank you ma'am. You're right about the end :)

  • 1 year ago

    by Little Silver Pen

    It is a good Senyru. I can feel the anger.

    Keep writing.

    Check out some of mine too, and please rate it while you're at it.