Comments : Windy Day

  • 1 year ago

    by Em

    S, this is so delicately done that it's perfect.
    The rhyming and the beat go hand in hand and are very smooth. I read this twice to get a feel for it out loud and it sounded great spoken.

    The wind breathes on a flower
    at first gentle, then with force.
    Precious time is fleeting
    as the petal takes its course.
    ^^^
    A perfect opening. A gentle wind is fine for those delicate flowers but when it gets too heavy they get tossed about like nobodies business and unfortunately ruined and I've noticed it's always the best flowers that seem to ruin first.

    Fate makes its arrival
    as the petal flutters down,
    swiftly cradling the air flow
    as it heads toward the ground.
    ^^
    This reminds me of beauty and the beast for some reason when the petals start falling from that rose, giving beast less time to find his true loves kiss and change back to a king. Love the imagery nd the way you described it falling towards the ground.

    Our lives, just like this petal,
    once connect then sweep away
    along the musings of a gentle,
    yet persistent, windy day.
    ^^
    Such a powerful ending and you're right our lives are delicate like the petal until bam we get swept away by badness all I say badness I mean corruptness...

    Beautifully done and I will be nominating as soon as votes are back.
    Em

    • 1 year ago

      by IdTakeABulletForYou

      Thank you for your beautiful comment, Em :) also, I edited a line, and am considering editing it further. What do you think?

      Small, petite changes, but I liked what I did and am always paranoid that I'll ruin things if I change them after that "inspiration high" is over.

      Thanks again for being awesome!

      V/r
      IdTakeABulletForYou

  • 1 year ago

    by deeplydesturbed

    S.. beautiful piece :) rhymes well. I also read it twice like em.

    • 1 year ago

      by IdTakeABulletForYou

      Thank you Nao! :-) Heartfelt joy in your liking this, now finish those two collab pieces in the group that are waiting on you! Lol

      Much love,
      IdTakeABulletForYou

  • 1 year ago

    by Em

    Will still be beautiful S and not much change to the piece.

  • 1 year ago

    by Ben Pickard

    Stephen, I don't have much time, so I will only say that this is a beautifully delicate little poem that is rhymed wonderfully and a joy to read.

    Take care and stay well,
    Ben

    • 1 year ago

      by IdTakeABulletForYou

      I know what it's like and feel your pain! Thanks for taking some time to read it, much obliged!

      V/r
      IdTakeABulletForYou

  • 1 year ago

    by Brenda

    Beautifully done, love the rhyming, love the delicate versing you put together on this write. The whole poem wove together wonderfully.

    • 1 year ago

      by IdTakeABulletForYou

      Thank you Brenda, I appreciate your input and am glad you enjoyed it! :-)

      V/r
      IdTakeaBulletForYou

  • 1 year ago

    by Ingrid de Klerck

    Stephen, this poem should be shown across the world, to deflate the monster called "Ego". It is a double edged sword, really. As hard as it can be on the ego to realise how small and insignificant one individual is in the big scheme of things, the soul is freed when it can express itself without pressure of the ego. The ego calls us to win and hate, the soul calls us to cooperate and love.
    After the wind has died down, memories of love remain.

    The wind breathes on a flower
    at first gentle, then with force.
    Precious time is fleeting
    as the petal takes its course.

    ^^
    Lovely metaphor of how we, as individuals are tested and tried. Only the flower with petals strong enough survive and even flourish.

    Fate makes its arrival
    and the petal flutters down,
    softly cradled by the air flow
    as it heads toward the ground.

    ^^
    Yes, each in their own time will eventually lose their petals. Some grow stronger ones, though! :0)

    Our lives, just like this petal,
    once connect then sweep away
    along the musings of a gentle,
    yet persistent, windy day.

    ^^
    This was so poetic. Let us strive to have something worthwhile remain once the wind dies down.

    Well done!

    Take care,
    Ingrid

    • 1 year ago

      by IdTakeABulletForYou

      Thank you so much for the beautiful words and the inspirational comment! This is one of my favorites of mine, and I am truly glad that you enjoyed it.

      Unfortunately, for humanity, feeling good requires the ego and it is as likely to be deflated as the universe is to contract... which both are likely one day, but indubitably when humans are all long, long gone. Perhaps only then.

      At least, amidst the chaos of the over-inflating egos, we find some peace in knowing that every petal will one day have its turn.

      Thanks again for the brilliant comment,
      Much Love
      IdTakeABulletForYou

  • 1 year ago

    by Vicente

    This one makes me think of the everyday passing of strangers as a bouquet. Together yet separate. Each individual person has its own battles, but together our roubles look similar. We have one end that we must meet, like flowers taken from the earth.