A Cry for Help (Modern Senryu)

by Everlasting   Jul 9, 2016


A pen wobbles
at the edge of a wooden desk
yearning for a hand

Written by :L.L.

2015

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4


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Latest Comments

  • 7 years ago

    by BlueJay

    This is a remarkably stunning write, I especially love how it captures the current lack of stability around the world as well as feelings that writers understand and experience quite often. The lack of punctuation, while stylistic, disappoints me greatly. Explaining that it is a modern senryu got me excited for rule breaking, or modern style choice as well as a modern wording. Unless there is something else to the modifier of modern that I am not realizing, in which case, please enlighten me, I am always up for learning more about such a wonderful craft.

    5/5 from me. I truly enjoyed the versatility here.

    • 7 years ago

      by Everlasting

      Thank you!

      Well, the lack of punctuation is just something I do. The modern Senyru/Haiku can use punctuation or not. It's the writer's choice. Though it is usually called modern due to having less than 17 syllables with syllables distributed among three lines. It's preferable if the middle line is longer than the other two as to give a visual similar to the traditional Senryu.

  • 7 years ago

    by DarkLight

    Little and carrying weight.
    lovely piece.

  • 7 years ago

    by Larry Chamberlin

    Beautifully multilayered, Luce.
    First, the connection between "wobbles" and "yearning" is symbiotic in that taken together the verbs imply sentience on the part of the pen as well as a dependency upon human intervention.
    I agree with your choice on line break; these particular forms are much better when each line contains a completed thought or phrase.

  • 7 years ago

    by Ben Pickard

    Well done on this modern senryu, Everlasting. It's my understanding that the rule is actually 17 or less and not actually in any certain order necessarily? 17 here with a 4, 8, 5 pattern.

    Well done on this.

    SL

    • 7 years ago

      by Everlasting

      Yup, the modern Senryu or haiku should be less than or equal to 17 syllables.

  • 7 years ago

    by Mahal Ko Kuya Ko

    This is beautiful, Ms. Lucero! I love this so much! (: Added to favorites.

    --- MKKK

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