Rain falls down from heavens,
liquid slowly filling up
and dripping down into the bucket
(One man's bucket is another's cup).
From many different sources
the night bombards eternally.
(I'm a fragile deconstruction
of everything I thought I'd be.)
A mix of colors, swirling 'round,
this melting pot of emotions
is hidden in my darkest depths
(confined in blood-red oceans).
Perfection unattainable when I have no control;
a universe of skies, amidst a darkness, I cannot console.
These palettes blend, destroying me
as I fall in this acid sea.
This bucket fills.
This bucket kills.
...but on the outside you don't see
this bucket's been destroying me.
I don't really have much to critique on this one. It's well written and has a lot of feeling to it. I want to be there with you to make you feel better though. I want to hold you tight and try to make it better.
Stephen, I really liked this a lot. The way you formatted it was interesting, I was digging the two person/one entity thing. Sometimes things do get too crazy in our head and it helps to separate ourselves to be able to just function. None of us are perfect, we make mistakes, we fall down and get back up again. We work in jobs we don't like, stay in relationships we aren't happy in, stay out of relationships so we don't have to try or attempt to be happy. You put a lot into this and it shows, it's well written and heartfelt-take care-Brenda
Hey you! I like this piece. The imagery had me lost. You say bucket; you say melting pot. I can picture both, if that's what you want. I can't write with rhythm, but your choices of words are always interesting to read.
Also, parentheses in a poem? You're a great writer, but that's bold. I would include it within the text, if something ia important enough to be read. You gave me two voices. And if having two voices was your intent then my bad lol... I'm not sure.
Overall, I get the pictures. I feel a soft spot in my heart for you. Well done.
The reference to the bucket/cup can go two different ways. 1) The bucket/cup is a reference to one person's misery being sustenance for another person's happiness. The misery man puts into the bucket is the cup from which some drink. In order to feel powerful, the person on top must see people who are weak. In our modern society, everyone is looking for attention to plump their ego. Most do this by degrading someone or something else. 2) Also, a storm came through and caused a leak in a building I was in. They had to put a bucket underneath it, and it made me think how one person's suffering is another's sustenance. While most looked at that bucket as a symbol of broken piping or something not working, another person in the world could have seen it as refuge; water to be drank. Not a bucket to them, but a cup of life. Sustenance through which life can be had. So it can go either way.
The melting pot is actually not meant to be a literal pot, but I did think it fit well with the bucket theme; it's actually taken from the definition of a real melting pot, as America was made to be: "a place where different peoples, styles, theories, etc., are mixed together." The melting pot inside me is where so many different emotions are conflicting with each other so much so that I don't know what to feel.
As for the aforementioned "boldness", some pieces are more important to express than to impress. This is not my typical writing method, as I usually try to make things pretty and understandable -- but with things all jumbled and chaotic inside my head, sometimes I just need to express reality to release a little of the pressure building inside my head.
As for the parenthesis, they do represent a separate voice in my head, one that is at odds with the other voice in my head. One more grounded to reality, whereas the other one is a bit more "out there."
All-in-all, compared to one of my newer pieces, I'd say this one is much darker and crazier, but I think it adequately expresses how the world is making me feel of late.
Thank you very much for taking the time to read and comment,