Comments : You Dont Know Loving You is Possible

  • 7 years ago

    by Ben Pickard

    What a lovely poem about someone who sounds like a pretty likeable person and all round good egg!
    The people who are best always do tend to be the ones who are most modest. Not the false modesty you so often come across (which is the greater kind of arrogance in my opinion) but the type that leaves the person concerned no idea just how special they are.

    When you see an animal your expression softens,

    ^^

    I think that line perfectly sums that point up. Those are the kind of actions that one cannot fool anyone with; they are natural and so leave whoever views them with a real clarity and insight into their personality. Some things just can't be 'blagged'.

    You have a melodic voice and oh how i love music.

    ^^

    Let me just say too - if a little randomly - that this is my favourite line in the poem. It's a lovely little addition.

    Just a few pointers while I'm here:
    A couple of times near the end you have some 'i's' instead of 'I's'.

    ... the clues its not out of ....

    ^^

    'its' should read 'it's' as it's a contraction of 'it is'.

    You dont know youre beautiful

    ^^

    'don't and 'you're' here as they are contractions of 'do not' and 'you are'.

    A great write about a very modest sounding person. The problem with being too modest though is never being able to see what's standing right in front of you, sometimes - like someone actually loving you!

    SL

    • 7 years ago

      by Someone Invisible

      Thank you for you praise as well as your critism. I appreciate it greatly. And all throughout the poem it would have been lacking apostrophes (which is a rare thing for me) but I typed it without really looking at what i was doing on here. When i type on my phone I have a bad habit of not capitalizing my 'i's. Haha
      Yes i think that line is my favourite too. It was the only like that added something about 'me' in there. The rest of the poem was supposed to revolve around him/her. I wanted to keep this gender nuetral because, and maybe this takes away whatever dept you sensed, its not about just one person. I kind of combined traits from 2 dofferent poeple that have drawn me and ones female and ones male so...yeah. Lol
      Thank you again.