I have so many things I want to say to you about this and my heart is so overwhelmed for you. I feel yourself breaking and trying to go back together again, the absolute heartache and anguish.
Conditional love from a parent is such a cruel feeling. It's not how we were made to live, made to love, and that's why it hurts so much more. You have to guard your heart and find your true joy in Jesus. I hate saying all these cliches but when they are biblical truths, it's the only thing you have in a time of agony.
I had to learn to be comfortable with the tension that our relationships on this world aren't always as Jesus intended. He intended perfection and we cannot live up to that measure. You are in the midst of a truly powerful and world moving testimony, and I'm so grateful you're so open and vocal. God is going to use this mess in your life to save people, physically and eternally. This life isn't easy yet it's so easy to only be focused on our short time here, forgetting we have eternity with the one Father who will never let us down. Love you sweet friend.
I have to be honest and say I haven't read too much of your work, not least because you don't post massive amounts and so I have to remember to click onto your profile and delve into your back catalogue (terribly difficult, I know!)
Anyway, as much of a cop out as this may seem having said all that, I am not going to patronise you with an over bloated comment full of 'helpful' clichés and other 'insightful' nonsense that you could do without; I don't know, I haven't suffered this. Just know that I have read this thoroughly, twice over, and all I will say is that it is a healthy sort of vent indeed and one that moved me immensely.
All the very best,
Thank you so much, Ben. And no need to explain at all (totally get that!). It was a pleasant surprise to see your honest thoughts and just reading and reaching out means a lot to me. It's honestly weird looking back at this, a year feels so far yet those feelings are still heavy in my heart. But I will work through it. And yes, you're definitely right. It was a healthy kind of vent for me, especially sharing where I will not feel judged or invalidated.