Comments : 01 (Zero Won)

  • 1 year ago

    by Brenda

    Awesome you two! Totally loved how you put what so many of us struggle with into such a beautiful write-I think we all can relate to all those words swirling about-well done!

  • 1 year ago

    by deeplydesturbed

    Thank you Brenda!

  • 1 year ago

    by Ben Pickard

    Stephen/Naomi - I will look at this poem stanza by stanza. It intrigues me as I relate to it entirely.

    "Do not care what people think"
    is what I try to tell myself.
    I do not write to be famous
    nor write for anybody else.

    ^^

    This, in all honesty, took me a long time to come to. When I first started writing poetry as a teenager, it was because I needed to. And it was better work because of that. There was nothing slick or 'overproduced' about it; I wasn't writing to try to impress anyone else and only recently have I started writing for myself again. Not a nice admission, but the truth. Anyway, spot on here: write for yourself and not for anyone else - the rest will or won't follow, but who cares?

    I write for me, for all these words
    ...they dance within this complex head.
    They come to me at random times:
    sometimes at work, sometimes in bed.

    ^^

    Oh, how I laughed my little head off at this stanza! I am in that boat exactly! Sometimes at work, I find myself jotting frantically on pieces of paper or running up and down the stairs at three in the morning, unable to sleep for the spider-web of words that are tangled up in there.

    I post to share what's on my mind
    and hope that others can relate,
    but every struggle is unique
    as is each keystroke that I make.

    ^^

    This too sums up nicely my need to write and share now. Not writing for the others, exactly, but hoping that what you feel and what you post is able to connect with someone else - to move them, allow them to relate or (best of all) maybe even help them.

    I find it funny: some may think
    this is only binary code
    but to me it's a vital outlet
    so my head doesn't explode

    ^^

    Some lovely rhyming throughout this piece, by the way. We write and we keep writing for the simple need to keep ourselves sane. Even when I am not on the site or having a break away, I am desperately scrawling thoughts and ideas down.

    This dance is intricate, you see,
    a movement no one else can do;
    I paint a picture with my words.
    My easel has been PnQ.

    ^^

    I will be honest here, guys, "a movement no one else can do" struck me as a little clumsy (the 'do') but - after reading on - it is worth it on balance just to get the 'my easel has been P&Q' in to the rhyme - that's excellent stuff. P&Q is an outlet and indeed an 'easel' for many of us here.

    With life being my inspiration,
    every day makes a new piece.
    I may not win the weekly contest
    but I've won my inner peace.

    ^^

    This really is lovely to read. There is an honesty, openness and truth inherent in these words that the reader feels he can trust. The reason you write really does shine through and all that has gone before in this poem is brought to a very relatable close. Everyday does bring new inspiration which allows us the chance to scrawl and make ourselves feel better again. Well, at least for another day...

    Stephen /Naomi, if I could I would nominate this as I think this could win the weekly, but I think I am still a few praised comments short (wink, lol).

    This is excellent stuff with a strong theme which connects with others - and that, really, is what art's all about.

    SL

    • 1 year ago

      by IdTakeABulletForYou

      This is an excellent in-depth breakdown of the struggles endured. You are most definitely appreciated, and hopefully soon you'll be able to nominate! It appears you have 9 praised comments, so 1 more praised comment and you should have gold (http://www.poems-and-quotes.com/awards.html)! It's like you've done this before!!! ;)

      As for your suggested correction, I have been contemplating a change to the verse as such:

      The movement's intricate, you see,
      this dance only I execute;
      I paint a picture with my words.
      My easel has been PnQ.

      If you think that it makes it better, let us know! :-)

      Thanks again for your amazing comment, I really enjoyed reading it!

      V/r
      IdTakeABulletForYou

    • 1 year ago

      by IdTakeABulletForYou

      Edits have been made!

  • 1 year ago

    by Em

    You guys this is perfect in every way and is what a collaboration should be.

    Xx

    • 1 year ago

      by IdTakeABulletForYou

      Thank you Em, now it's our turn for a collab ;)

      Much love,
      IdTakeABulletForYou

  • 1 year ago

    by deeplydesturbed

    Thanks Em and Sir Lacelot. Im glad you both enjoyed it.. sir l. Your commentvon here was praised so you are one closer ;)

    Im glad you both enjoyed and could relate

  • 1 year ago

    by Ben Pickard

    Stephen, that edit works well. 'execute' and 'PnQ' is only a half rhyme but it's half rhymes that make rhyming poetry slick. (sorry for all the 'rhymes')

    As for 'done this before', maybe it has just come naturally to me. Beginners luck, perhaps?...