Ramblings of Time

Hi, this is a very inspirational write though have o agree with Ether somewhat about the flow.

Excuse my form, structure, and words
Sanctuary is all I seek
^^
Perfect opening.

Peace, that had once poured words,
is now out of words to speak
^^
I really like the idea of words being out of words because they aren't peaceful.

It is time my friends, it burns you out
It tosses you over, it brings you down
^^
This is very true. All we have in our lifetime is time, it will pick ou you and then drop you like a sack of spuds.

It watches you stand, stinking of doubt
and the havoc you had to wreak
^^
A very powerful ending.

All in all a great, inspiring piece.

Em

This is a nice, simple, no doubt therapeutic write.

The first 2 lines open the piece up perfectly, however after that the piece doesn't flow very well.

I've found in my own experience that flow comes with freestyle if you read it out loud and don't repeat the same words in close proximity. For example, "That peace that..." could instead be replaced with "Peace, that..."
If you wanted to change it a bit more, you could modify those two lines to -
"Peace, that had once poured words,
is now out of words to speak."
Just an idea, you don't have to change it if you don't want to.

Aside from flow issues, I really enjoyed the content of this little piece. Time is one of the hardest - if not the hardest - concept for me to wrap my head around. It can bring you up and then bring you straight back down without warning. 4/5