Comments : Somnolent

  • 1 year ago

    by IdTakeABulletForYou

    A haunting, vivid write. Some unique, striking one liners placed in a heart-wrenching story about loss. I have written tales about death and woe, but none nearing the justice you've accomplished here.

    There are no alterations I would suggest or request, you really have expressed this emptiness well and sufficiently literate, as is always the case with anything you write.

    5/5
    IdTakeABulletForYou

    • 1 year ago

      by Ben Pickard

      Stephen, many thanks for your comment and I hope you are well.

      Ben

  • 1 year ago

    by Em

    A very emotion filled piece with lots of imagery.
    Em

  • 1 year ago

    by Brenda

    Ben,Ben,Ben, amazing write! So much dark imagery, yearning to the point of madness. Well done!

  • 1 year ago

    by Milly Hayward

    Wow...(speechless) one of your best

  • 1 year ago

    by Golden AnGel Rhapsodist

    Ben,

    Wish I can write a poem excellent as yours...
    Bravo

    5/5

    Gel

    • 1 year ago

      by Ben Pickard

      Thank you, everyone. This is actually a reposted poem; I originally posted about 6 months ago on my old account.

      Ben

  • 1 year ago

    by stormingdance (Jessica)

    Wow, amazing imagery. Also, I'd like to point out that I am amazed you can write such a long poem and not lose your point or effectiveness. Not everyone enjoys my short forms, but I'm not particularly gifted with prose poetry. Hope to finish something this amazing one day.

    Thanks for sharing, 5/5.

    • 1 year ago

      by Ben Pickard

      Thank you, Jessica. And just to let you know, I like your poetry very much.

      Ben

  • 1 year ago

    by Em

    Congratulations on the win

  • 1 year ago

    by Dreamofolwin

    A well deserved win :)

    Love the golden hair in contrast to the gloomy moors ...lol

    Well written as always Sir Lancelot :D

    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    P.s. I loved this one first time round... and am glad you reposted it! :D

    Its one of my favourites of yours Ben.

  • 1 year ago

    by Meena Krish

    A well written piece is all I can say for all has been said! Congrats on the win!

  • 1 year ago

    by Bradley Peter

    Hello,

    I must say, first and foremost, what wonderful wording. A beautiful use of the English language. So intriguing, creative and alluring. I'm unfamiliar with your work, but I hope it all contains such a wizardry with words.

    Your rhymes were also quite inspiring.

    'Then at the last, the stars were all,
    But did not warm or comfort me;
    Too distant in that cold black sky
    To show me love or sympathy.'

    It was this stanza that stood out for me. The rhyme itself catching me completely off guard, but the sentiment was pure poetic beauty.

    Regards,

    Bradley

  • 1 year ago

    by Pinkie Pot Cheeks

    Beautifully written and I love the way you rhymed!! Congrats on the win!!

  • 1 year ago

    by - Mr. Darcy

    Hello Ben,

    Your pen does not and will never silently weep... instead, it sobs and wails in fits of controlled floods of emotional tidal waters.

    The title word of, 'Somnolent' was new to me, but there again that isn't necessarily a new thing. lol: Okay, Google: 'causing or suggestive of drowsiness'

    The sad story of brief love and then ensuing anguish of her physical and mental memory absence is captivating. The despair leading to deranged description is amazing. My favourite lines are: I washed in streams then drank my dirt
    ^
    the idea of drinking ones own dirt is repulsive and for this reason effective in instilling the extreme measures offered to be without 'hurt'. I think we can all relate to feeling so awful that we would do anything to be without the pain. I guess it is better than suicide, but then you may be hinting at this as 'drinking your own dirt is marginally preferable. Remind me never to ask you to make me a cuppa. lol

    another: The filth felt right when swallowed down;
    It churned and mixed with sickly bile.
    ^
    Your mind is warped and I like it! The imagery and the revealed gagging up of bile is acute.

    The journey into madness is well described, screaming at the water. I like the wording of 'white mind to black. A clear sanity into insanity reference. Cool.

    'each sorry step a backward one'
    ^
    this is like moon walking or better still and more aptly, treading water and getting no where.

    The end is so bitterly sad:

    The end comes slowly for the lost -
    And by my final ragged oath,
    I was, by madness, now undone.
    ^
    No quick death, only a torturous one. The 'ragged' breath sums up the drawn out ordeal well. As does the battle with madness: Madness 1, Ben o

    Then at the last, the stars were all,
    But did not warm or comfort me;
    Too distant in that cold black sky
    To show me love or sympathy.
    ^
    'stars were all' I get from this forever night/ dark/ no life/ devoid of compassion/ only 'cold and uncaring death.

    ----------
    ----------

    Then nothing was my only friend -
    No golden hair or luscious lips
    ^
    I like the juxtaposition of these two lines. It summarises the poem well. The catalyst of the demise into loneliness and resulting terminal madness/ death.

    To tempt me on those cursed moors;
    At last, with death, you were eclipsed.
    ^
    These final lines ebb the thoughts of that damning time that has consumed a life, but now 'death' has the final say, the final line. Apt again!

    Well done Ben, this is well written and thought through. Clever metaphors which conjure vivid re-flux in the most hardy of readers.

    Take care and my advice is take some Omeprazole as there is so much that can repeat on us.

    Michael

    • 1 year ago

      by Ben Pickard

      Thanks for finding this comment, Michael - it's more than I deserve after deleting my last account and with it, many of your other wonderful comments.

      Ben

  • 8 months ago

    by Wayne Gates

    Oh if I only had such a rich vocabulary at the tip of my thoughts when I attempt to communicate the jumbled journey my mind travels. All great poetry ceases to be seen as the the visions in our minds take over. This was a great emotional quest you just took me on. Very nice work.

    • 8 months ago

      by Ben Pickard

      Thank you, Wayne. All the best.

  • 8 months ago

    by deeplydesturbed

    wow Benny - some how i had missed this one.. sorry!

    this is simply amazing! everyone has disected and commented and everything.

    all i can say its well done..

  • 5 months ago

    by mossgirl19

    Ben, words fail me to give justice to how beautiful and profound this piece is. Michael (Mr. Darcy) has highlighted all the remarkable parts of this one. He nailed it all. Wow, Ben, this is truly a gem.

  • 3 months ago

    by Paul Hirst

    Great Write and well worth the accolade