A snow-pregnant sky,
threatening to give birth
to another blizzard,
mirrored my mood
'snow-pregnant sky' - I absolutely love this line, Hellon. If the title were anything other than 'Despair' I would look positively on those opening few words as I love watching the snow and don't normally associate it with unhappiness. I suppose that's the cleverness of the opening stanza, for me at least. A 'snow-pregnant sky' coupled with the title and 'giving birth to a blizzard' really throws the reader quickly into a hurricane of dark emotion.
an expectant pause. Where will this lead and where will your mood take you in these unpredictable conditions? Something seismic seems fated to occur...
as I plunged into Sorrow Lake
its undercurrent of worry
pulled me down
drowning me in the
murkiness of life
and here we have it. This 'Sorrow Lake' could, I suppose, be taken as a literal place that you have 'plunged' into and given up hope in doing so, but I would imagine it is more a metaphorical place for giving into and 'plunging' into despair. 'Sorrow Lake' suggests that to me more than anything as I doubt the legitimacy of a place with that name...I may be wrong.
your face...your beautiful face,
flashed before my eyes.
This is actually the bit I found the darkest simply because, when we talk of things flashing before our eyes, we normally reference death in the same breath. So - be it a literal place or not - just how tragic was this final plunge into Sorrow Lake?
A wonderful and beguiling write, Hellon
2 years ago
by Dean Kuch
This is wonderfully well composed, Hellon, quite the melancholy musing for certain.
It's oft been said that as we die, our lives flash before our very eyes.
Life can do that to you too--make you feel as if you're being suffocated sometimes.
...there is something powerful about nature's weather that relates directly to human emotions. The bilious cloud formations that hang heavy, defying gravity, is much like holding in grief that swells within like your simile.
...after a while, the holding back has to give, like a dam, and once it goes, make way...
...as grief suffocates in sorrowful, drowning waves of sorrow, the reason for feeling so wretched, so impossibly sad is there, an image of their face, so beautiful and yet, so far away...
Well done, Hellon. This is up to your very high standards. Nobody, does it better Carly!