Comments : Despair

  • 1 year ago

    by Ben Pickard

    A snow-pregnant sky,
    threatening to give birth
    to another blizzard,
    mirrored my mood

    ^^

    'snow-pregnant sky' - I absolutely love this line, Hellon. If the title were anything other than 'Despair' I would look positively on those opening few words as I love watching the snow and don't normally associate it with unhappiness. I suppose that's the cleverness of the opening stanza, for me at least. A 'snow-pregnant sky' coupled with the title and 'giving birth to a blizzard' really throws the reader quickly into a hurricane of dark emotion.

    and...

    ^^

    an expectant pause. Where will this lead and where will your mood take you in these unpredictable conditions? Something seismic seems fated to occur...

    as I plunged into Sorrow Lake
    its undercurrent of worry
    pulled me down
    drowning me in the
    murkiness of life

    ^^

    and here we have it. This 'Sorrow Lake' could, I suppose, be taken as a literal place that you have 'plunged' into and given up hope in doing so, but I would imagine it is more a metaphorical place for giving into and 'plunging' into despair. 'Sorrow Lake' suggests that to me more than anything as I doubt the legitimacy of a place with that name...I may be wrong.

    your face...your beautiful face,
    flashed before my eyes.

    ^^

    This is actually the bit I found the darkest simply because, when we talk of things flashing before our eyes, we normally reference death in the same breath. So - be it a literal place or not - just how tragic was this final plunge into Sorrow Lake?

    A wonderful and beguiling write, Hellon

    Ben

  • 1 year ago

    by Dean Kuch

    This is wonderfully well composed, Hellon, quite the melancholy musing for certain.
    It's oft been said that as we die, our lives flash before our very eyes.
    Life can do that to you too--make you feel as if you're being suffocated sometimes.
    Excellent...
    ~Dean Kuch

  • 1 year ago

    by stormingdance (Jessica)

    I agree with Ben. The very first line fulled me in, amazing write and a the end was sudden, shocking, and breathtaking.

  • 1 year ago

    by Em

    Hellon, this has got to be,one of he best little piece I have read in a while. So much said in a short piece,that leaves me gasping for breath.

    Em

  • 1 year ago

    by Mahal Ko Kuya Ko

    Amazing write!

    --- MKKK

  • 1 year ago

    by Dagmar Wilson

    This to me is breathtaking, absolutely beautiful written.

  • 1 year ago

    by Golden AnGel Rhapsodist

    Hi Hellon,

    I have been obsessed with Ben's writing but this one makes me forget about Bens composition for awhile hahaha lol..

    This blown me away especially these lines
    ---> -->

    A snow-pregnant sky,
    threatening to give birth
    to another blizzard,
    mirrored my mood

    Bravo! all the best.

    Gel

  • 1 year ago

    by Milly Hayward

    Beautifully written with fabulous imagery. Loved it. Millyx

  • 1 year ago

    by Brenda

    Just amazing! I'm blown away from this write-

  • 1 year ago

    by - Mr. Darcy

    Hello Hellon,

    ...there is something powerful about nature's weather that relates directly to human emotions. The bilious cloud formations that hang heavy, defying gravity, is much like holding in grief that swells within like your simile.

    ...after a while, the holding back has to give, like a dam, and once it goes, make way...

    ...as grief suffocates in sorrowful, drowning waves of sorrow, the reason for feeling so wretched, so impossibly sad is there, an image of their face, so beautiful and yet, so far away...

    Well done, Hellon. This is up to your very high standards. Nobody, does it better Carly!

  • 1 year ago

    by Ingrid de Klerck

    Sometimes love is the only force to keep us afloat in times of despair.

    Well worded Hellon, good metaphors and not one word superfluous here!

    Well done, take care

    Ingrid

  • 1 year ago

    by Maple Tree

    Judging Comment

    The beginning stanza is one of the most powerful and creative starts to a poem that I have read in quite some time.

    Snow - pregnant sky... love it!

    Blizzards can bring on despair- heavy thoughts and burdens..

    and the ending ties it up nicely, the face of a loved one... melting all darkness... just beautiful!!

  • 10 months ago

    by hiraeth

    This poem popped up in my 'recommended poems' section & i'm so glad it did. I really, really love the first stanza, just the sheer imagery of it.