A one-sided argument (Collab with Maher)

by Ben Pickard   Oct 22, 2016

I will not watch you anymore -
you have become the perfect bore!
I will not be assimilated,
Or left disturbed and aggravated.

"Was it I who left you in those moods?
The lost remote - was that me too?
Apologies, human, I guess I's wrong;
Here- a station with a victory song!"

No song for me or victory -
Your channels, all, bring misery.
Each dreadful show is cheap and trite;
I will find peace at home tonight!

"Pfft! Peace, you say? Well let us see!
I'd pay to see you gone from me.
Every day in your lazy couch
with can-in-hand and beer gut out!"

This house is mine - I put you there!
You must be daft, or unaware
that with one yank of that small plug,
your life is snuffed and grave is dug!

"A truce I call; a truce indeed!
So keep those grabbers off my lead.
I'll play the shows you love so much,
of pretty girls you want to touch.."

Yes - oh yes! You have it there -
I like to see them nude and bare!
After all, there is so much
Of women's bums and boobs and such...


Unbeknown to these two foes,
Each one would suffer yet more woe.
The meter would decide their fate
And all their actions, be too late.


Beloved square? Are you still there?
Have you left me quite impaired?
Why have you shut your eyes so tight -
Why do you look so black tonight?
Come back to me, my darling one!
My gripes are through and misdeeds, done.
I'll sit here through the many years -
I'll watch and drool and even leer -
At all it is you want to air -
Don't leave me here in my despair!


The tele died, its power snuffed,
And everything that that man loved
Was taken to another place -

Perhaps a place that had more grace.


Maher and Ben 2016


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Latest Comments

  • 2 months ago

    by mossgirl19

    Hahaha...oh my...hahaha...this is awesome Ben and Maher.

    • 1 month ago

      by Ben Pickard

      Thanks, Mel. I remember this one was very fun to write, lol

  • 11 months ago

    by Brenda

    You guys did an awesome write with this. It has everything, comedy, drama, suspense, death....entertaining all the way through. Well done you two!

  • 11 months ago

    by - Mr. Darcy


    I unique poem from a unique collaboration.

    Any poem with the words, 'bum' and 'boobs' is okay with me! lol

    Take care,


    • 11 months ago

      by Ben Pickard


      You have me laughing...no mean feat on two hours sleep!

  • 11 months ago

    by Em

    Absolutely loved this the first time and love it more since I read it again.
    Thanks for making me laugh guys.


    • 11 months ago

      by Ben Pickard

      Thanks, Em, but as I pointed out in the club thread, but for Maher coercing me gently down the comedy route, it never would have come about. It is, as you know, not my natural style!

  • 11 months ago

    by Golden AnGel Rhapsodist

    Hahahaha excellent funny Collaboration.

    this piece is a kind of relief ...done with my crying hahaha

    I can sleep now.


    • 11 months ago

      by Ben Pickard

      Well, I'm glad it put you to sleep, Gel...

      No, many thanks, lol

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