If you, like me, are mortal in His eyes,
Then wrongs abound that cannot be ignored.
For you deserve to be immortalised,
And be forever read of and adored.
When dahlias and roses are unjust
In representing beauty of your ilk,
I must then find a way the world can trust
To spin your beauty into finest silk.
And so these words that fall upon the page,
From hands that grasp an ever shaking quill,
Will glow throughout the darkest nights and days,
And thus, fulfil my one consuming will.
By marking in these lines your beauty's grace,
All death can ever steal is beauty's face.
This author usually over does their pieces, or is missing key elements - for my taste. But this week, with this piece, I was truly amazed by the way things seemed to work a little more cohesively. There was an interesting use of voice, the originality paired with the inspiration was clear enough to convince me this was genuine work, and the style was more suited to the concept this time. So all of those things were fantastic to see here, and all very well done. The opening was captivating and conclusion did not leave me feeling like there was still more to be said, which was great! So all in all nice work, definitely a great example of the author's potential for the contest!
//"if you, like me, are mortal in his eyes
Then wrongs abound that cannot be ignored."//
These two lines carries all the meaning of your thoughts in this write. They speak about the perfection of this person you so much adore. About how pure they are such that by them being mortal makes you wonder whether it's not a sin for such beauty not to be remembered forever.
Your ending is also powerful as you've taken it upon yourself to be a god to immortalize this person.
Great write Ben, good work.
Take care but don't stop writing