Now this is a refreshing read. Not at all like the usual posted poems.
Upon my first read, I thought this is just a pompous write, someone trying too hard; trying to 'show off' perhaps? Part of me wanted to scoff, whilst another part wanted scream out in jealousy.
Okay, I've finished screaming and I've returned. Lol
This poem, to my mind is, inspired. The poem starts off with a sentence; a beautifully crafted one. Then, like a section from an encyclopedia it then carefully breaks down it down. Much like an in depth comment about the pretext. After this detailed exploration the ' beautifully crafted sentench is repeated, much like a bookend.
I can happily say that this piece of poetic writing is one of my favourites.
This sounded to me like a prelude to something that will follow. Perhaps you are trying to keep the reader waiting and guessing if you will be continuing on with something else?
Very interesting layout and some captivating word usage!
1 year ago
Mark your poetry is always refreshing to read, makes us left wanting more or hearts aching. I was going to take each section but its too beautiful and sincere to do that...
it is odd that you document the inane musings
birthed from the gift of consciousness, when you,
yourself wrote 'in the greater schematic of things -
everything is temporary; your absence becomes
but mere seconds...it would all be temporary,
and that is catharsis to me'.
My favourite part.
Dude this was beautiful but one thing ruined it for me (as an Australian) - our slang word for wh-re/sl-t/whatever is "slurry" which made me laugh a little thinking about how ridiculous or slang words are.
I appreciate multiple things about this, so much so I need to make a list as I don't have enough time to deconstruct this properly before the party tonight. So, I love:
that this started with "and", the unconventional structure, the return of "y/our", honey-d milk, moon-flowers, and the repetition at the end was so perfectly constructed... I cannot fault this anywhere (except for "slurried" but that's an Aussie thing).
In this current moment I'm about to dress up as a moon-flower child for the halloween party. I always look forward to reading your work. Thank you for sharing. You're too darn clever... this piece puts most to shame.
1 year ago
Sometimes, I just don't have words...
This is Excellent, fam- as always ^_^