Story beneath my smile.

by Meika   Dec 17, 2016


I held my arm up and said, "look what I did..." If she cared she would have said, "Please don't do it again", but instead she said, "wow". Now that word still rings in my head, making me wish I was dead. I tried to cry about it but my eyes ran dry, now I think about it how did I survive? I hadn't done it for a while now, 8 months I think, till a week ago I heard the ringing again. I greeted the stainless like an old friend and painted the word perfect on my arm again. I count the lines it took to make, 20, well that's just great. I trace them with my finger and pull it back stained. How long would it take before I was drained? Don't ponder to much on this thought, I like it here, I like it a lot. I've met fine people, I've made great friends. I just wear my scars like badges of wisdom. The mistakes I've made, the hatred I've displayed, its everything I'm made of today. I wouldn't change a thing I swear, I'm proud to be here. You must just understand, I wasn't always this way. I'm the result of a divorce and religious disputes, I'm an experiment of lies, resentment and abuse. The world around me just can't accept who I am. I'm tired of fitting in, I'm tired of reading lines. Life gave me a script, now I'm tearing up that shit. No I'm not angry, no I'm not mean, I just want to be heard, I just want to scream. Don't mistake what I'm saying, I'm not all bad. I just have a past, which makes me kinda sad. I'm trying my damnedest, I'm just pushing through; pushing through life when no one wants me to. That's it I've said all I can, I hope you kinda understand why I a the way I am. You see beneath this smile is a story barely told and until I'm really ready you will just be on hold.

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