Comments : A Runny Sort Of Loyalty (senryu)

  • 9 months ago

    by - Mr. Darcy

    Ben, I love the title.

    One imagines loyalty being like a rock: Sturdy, unshakeable; but in truth, it can be like a fragile scab, pick it slightly and watch the blood run away.

    Nice work,

    Michael

    • 9 months ago

      by Ben Pickard

      Thank you, Michael and thank you for that cringe-worthy simile, lol

  • 9 months ago

    by Jamie

    Love! Will give full comment when i can!

  • 9 months ago

    by Em

    Ben, a fantastic and insightful piece that I guess many of us can relate too. I saw you had posted something and Michael and Jamie's comments so decided to take a look seems your on my faves :) and I like your stuff. Hey, some people may think I'm brown nosing haha anyway to the poem....

    Title: This was intriguing and I instantly thought (because of the weather) about runny noses and children lol but obviously this is much deeper than snot.. Sorry haha just my thoughts. I do believe it adds to the poem, as it should though.

    I will separate this piece and speak about both parts well my opinion on them, the "," will be where I separate it just so you know, if thats ok?

    1/ I do not believe that blood is thicker than water because sometimes family can hurt you the most and friends are there to pick up the pieces that family should never have left you and in todays society parents can be so cruel to their children which really frustrates me because children are so innocent and cannot defend themselves. :(

    2/ An honest question that many of us will ask ourselves because we have been hurt by the people that should love us the most, our parents or family at least. My answer is because they aren't fit to be parents or whatever and we have to remember that whoever hurts us has a problem not us...

    I shall stop rambling but this is the first thought I had about this piece for some reason.

    Take care,
    Em

    • 9 months ago

      by Ben Pickard

      Thanks Em for the thorough comment

  • 9 months ago

    by Brenda

    Ben, hmm, an interesting senryu. A lot of food for thought. Blood should be thicker than water but unfortunately "family" and I use that term loosely in some circumstances is no better than a stagnant pool of muck. Well done Ben-

  • 9 months ago

    by Jamie

    Damn Em beat me to the long comment haha. I will still give my thoughts.

    Like i assume most people here i absolutely love the title as well. But i will explain more after the poem.

    There are so many thoughts that this could be about but i think it is obvious this time. Family. Family always seems to be a tough subject for a lot of people to write about because of the past. I will also note that this is a good time to write this because of the holidays because a lot of people still have bad memories about the past. Anyway.

    While it is true that blood is thicker than water in more than one way i might add, sometimes it is deceiving. I do love how you use thicker here though, because it seems like you used it to say closeness or as your title states loyalty. As i stated in the first paragraph we all have problems. And with family problems we all tend to shy away from them. So i do lime how you use the metaphor, simile? To describe the running away. As we running away from our problems no matter how tough they get.

    I think we shy away from our problems because we are embarrassed by them. But i think true loyalty will stand by you no matter what, and family is supposed to be loyal no matter what. Excellent write!

    • 9 months ago

      by Ben Pickard

      Thanks again, James. Great comment

  • 9 months ago

    by Kasie

    You have a valid point. Blood may be be thicker than water but in my experience blood meaning family has a tendency to turn their backs on you before your friends. Blood may be your life source but water will always sustain you.

    • 9 months ago

      by Ben Pickard

      Blood may be your life source but water will always sustain you.

      ^^

      How very true.

      Thanks so much again.

  • 9 months ago

    by Augustus Black

    Oh! What can I say about this philosophy.

    This short write has just blown my blood of my brain. There is so mystery hidden in those three lines. Very skill full and great write Sir. Great use of the brain. Deserves more than 5, but I can't give more than that.

    • 9 months ago

      by Ben Pickard

      Lol - five will do nicely and thank you for reading.