Comments : Evil Dreams (sonnet)

  • 1 year ago

    by - Mr. Darcy

    Kasie, this is super, I mean it! The beat is spot on; not iambic in places, but that's a mere technicality.

    The theme of abuse is harsh, but the way you've portrayed it, it could be released from the explicit section. A sonnet tackling sensitive topics should be shared with the masses.

    The evil haunting face does seem to haunt in the shape of the Sonnet. Eerie indeed; almost like a Stephen King fiction novel where the Sonnet becomes the beast.

    My imagination running now. Lol

    Well done.

    Suggestion : work on starting each line with an unstressed syllable. Not here though, it's great the way it is.

    • 1 year ago

      by Kasie

      Thank you. I will defiantly work on that. Like I stated in the pm the hainting face was unintentional, it just appeared when I centered it before posting.

  • 1 year ago

    by Em

    Kasie, you're getting really good at these I think anyway as I'm not sure on iambic pentameter bit the da Dum da Dum seems to be spot on. This is relatable for me as I have suffered the hands of someone I thought loved me. To break it up I have separated the lines into 4 lines then the couplet.

    1/ This opening is a hard hitting one that is relatable to many because when you are abused in any way you cannot forget but I guess you can forgive, given time. The pain will never fade but believe me it gets better again, given time in my experience.

    2/ The emotion in this part is astounding and honest as those eyes are always uncaring yet full of lust for what they want and it's quite sickening that no matter how much you say no, how loud you say no and how much you try and move away they get what they want with those awful hands.. When it happened to me I could feel his touch for days and it was that, that killed me the most I think. Yes, at the time we feel weak for what happened and blame ourselves but it's not our fault no matter what a woman is wearing at the time like some people seem to think.

    3/ I like the rearrangement here of the first four lines and the repetition as to me it shows that every day is a battle trying to get their face out of view as it's blackening every thing and the fact that it's like a vicious cycle trying to forget but being unable to.

    Couplet/ Your dreams won't let you sleep as they are nightmares, I get this part and we are unable to establish 'dreams' from reality right?

    A very good yet painful sonnet to read.
    Take care,
    Em

    • 1 year ago

      by Kasie

      Thank you, I tried to write this as if they were recurring dreams. I still have a little trouble with iambic words, but I feel that I'm slowly getting the hang of it.

  • 1 year ago

    by Brenda

    Kasie, another wonderful sonnet! You really have taken a shine to these. One typo, "To strong" should be "Too"- other than that, the subject matter was raw and I felt your fear and pain-

    • 1 year ago

      by Kasie

      Thank you. I have corrected the typo, once again thank you for pointing it out.

  • 1 year ago

    by Naughtymouse

    This is an awesome sonnet, really well written and as Maple Tree would say is a "spit and post" type of write. As its been broken down already I won't but Kudos on this write!

    Ben

    • 1 year ago

      by Kasie

      Thank you

  • 8 months ago

    by mossgirl19

    I love sonnets and I am just jealous of how you guys do this. :-) this is fantastic

    • 8 months ago

      by Kasie

      Thank you, it's not as hard as it looks, believe it or not. The hardest part for me was trying to determine whether a syllable was soft or not. ( If that makes since)