Comments : Darkness

  • 7 years ago

    by Mr. Darcy

    Insomnia is the very worst; not just because you have to somehow get through the next day, but also, because its so damn lonely. Everyone else seems to be sleeping except you. The darkness becomes alien and negative; instead of providing peace and silence, it allows ones mind to work overtime and play out just what you don't need.

    Sleep - an easy word to type, but to reach it, it may as well be Everest's peak!

    • 7 years ago

      by deeplydesturbed

      Thanks michael, i actually love this site for the fact someone is always awake!!! I havent slept yet. Ooops.

  • 7 years ago

    by Em

    N, It's like you have been watching me because of the past I am afraid of the dark...
    Buy insomnia is a big itch!!!

    Em

    • 7 years ago

      by deeplydesturbed

      Thanks em. Its not really the dark its when my mind plays games.. haha

  • 7 years ago

    by Golden AnGel Rhapsodist

    Naomi,

    This piece can bring some chills, especially the last line.. I can't turn off the lights now and I can't take my sleep ...I can imagine those things creeping on your walls are on my walls now hahaha....

    well done to this

    Gel

    • 7 years ago

      by deeplydesturbed

      Thanks Gel. As previous i havent slept yet.. haha its just my sleepy mind playing games with me.

  • 7 years ago

    by Brenda

    N, wonderful write. It's crazy what our mind does, in the dark, with no sleep. Havoc ensues...well done-

  • 6 years ago

    by Mark

    Dear Nams, found myself scrolling through lists of your poems I have missed. (I wasn't ready for poetry until recently) I came across this little Gem.

    Amply titled 'darkness'. The first line 'once again I find myself in my own presence' is a powerful opener. It writes more than just being alone...it reveals you are faced with nothing other than you and your own thoughts.
    The first stanza hints of insomia, mind racing and constantly looking for answers. Please note 'constanly' might be corrected to 'constantly'.

    The second stanza is descriptive and has a powerful effect on the reader.

    'The darkened room surrounds me'
    Walls and an even amply spaced room may seem daunting and closing in. An alternative may be to describe the walls as appearing to be moving inwards...closing in. But that is just an idea.

    'Quiet of the house consumes me'
    This gives evidence to your state of mind, totally immersed in this insomnia like state. ....the cricket reference has a chilling effect!

    Third stanza: Now you close your eyes and try to sleep. But images fill your mind. You battle to sleep....but can't, darkness wins.

    A fine piece of work. Would love to see another stanza from you - because I'm a big fan of your work. As an example just for fun, i wrote another...

    Shadows start to whisper and taunt
    Muttering with devilish tongue
    Horrors whispered! I shiver
    I crumble in the tight creviced corner
    I scream and faint; finally sleep.

    Adore your work Nam's!