Comments : The Fall

  • 9 months ago

    by Meena Krish

    The title-The Fall..at first I thought it had something to do with the season and its in this season everything fades away and in another term how one person falls for someone or how altogether the whole relationship falls.

    Your voice is a symphony -

    sonata:
    rainflowers recited in adagio,
    while you pluck your
    cured vocal chords
    in f-minor melodies.

    ^^From the first line it sounds like this person has bounced back to been a singer after an illness or its her very presence that made you fall for her in the first place. I like the description of this person's voice to flowers and music. It gives the reader a image of a simple woman yet her very voice has wrapped your heart.

    the lament swirls with crescent words,
    marbled layers atop one another,
    sifting thoughts into mausoleums,

    ^^Another image appears here. "The lament swirls with crescent words" maybe its her disatisfaction in this relationship and how she picks out certain words and highlights the downs of it yet she does it with layers of marbles. Marble is known as a cold dead stone so in here it refers to either this person's take on the relationship or perhaps this talk has turned you ice cold...a deep sorrow is planted here.

    tracing daises
    entombed in your hair
    leads us astray -

    ^^Sometimes simple beauty can lead us into the most deadly and cold heart-ed direction likewise the blind beauty of this person has lead you astray...perhaps..?

    take the bow to your throat
    and play your song;

    i'll harmonize.

    truth overflowing
    from y/our casket:

    bleeding,
    bleeding,
    bleeding.

    next time; instead of sugar, we'll ask for honey,
    it doubles up as wound-dressing.

    ^^For some reason this part symbolizes the person's death and therefore in a way cheated you with sweet and tender talks but its not that. Its the way that person has approached on the breaking of this bond and again and again you keep falling for her sweet coated voice and words.

    Its my feeling but a love like this can go on catching people with their beautiful words and ways until they break us down...a hurtful experience...

    take care.

  • 8 months ago

    by Em

    Mark, I have read this a few times now and something has called me back each time and each time I have read it something new seems to have appeared. This is what I like about your poetry because no two are the same.

    Em

  • 8 months ago

    by Brenda

    Wow, this was really a fascinating write. The rise and fall of a relationship and all the sticking points inbetween. I really liked your comparison using music. Well done-

  • 8 months ago

    by Melpomene

    Mark,

    Interesting write you have here. I'll be honest and say that I understood only about 80% of the music references, good thing my best friend is a musician and music teacher eh, otherwise I may have been a little bit embarrassed with how little I know.

    It's the little things you add in your poetry that interest me most, stuff like 'y/our' that show your understanding of contemporary technique and I like that you're often experimenting in your writing.

    I think my favourite things about this poem is that I found it somewhat romantic in its own right: rose-buds, rain flowers, swirls, daisies, hair, these are some of the words that had me find a romantic atmosphere.

    "take the bow to your throat
    and play your song;

    i'll harmonize."

    ^loved the tone you created here. A real interesting piece.

  • 8 months ago

    by Larry Chamberlin

    Mark,

    Excellent write. My fantasy is that these are angels, fallen to earth to live out their lives as human, yet unable to die. [cured vocal chords; next time]

    They suffer the torments of mortality, but still have their ethereal & semi-divine ability to express themselves on the cosmic scale. [take the bow to your throat and play your song; i'll harmonize]

    Given your disbelief in such things, I find my fantasy ironically amusing, yet still it captivates me.

    Congratulations on your win!

    • 8 months ago

      by hiraeth

      I really like your interpretation; there was a stanza that was fully meant to hint at the idea of a fallen angel; the 'tracing daisies/entombed in your hair/leads us astray'. Very astute of you to pick up on it, especially when I was trying to be subtle about it.

      Thank you!

  • 8 months ago

    by Rania Moallem

    Your writings mesmerize me Mark, u r absolutely an original poet with a classical modern twist.

    Also I am very happy that this piece survived for the front page this week. Definitely worth it.

    • 8 months ago

      by hiraeth

      Thank you so much!

  • 8 months ago

    by Em

    Well done on yet another fantastically written piece which is definitely deserving of front page.