Cassie, a sad write indeed. Lost love is never easy, self harm is equally a hard issue. I can only offer you support and strength to get through both-hugs-

Cassie, what a sad, emotion filled piece that we can all no doubt relate too, unfortunately. The rhymes seem to just come naturally.

1/ Love the image of you catching your mind saying 'no stop that nonsense' if only it could happen, right?

2/ I absolutely loved this because I have been there all too recently. Thinking what if things were different and I felt that love again, the way I used to feel it and regardless of what he did to me I think it will always be there because for a little he made everything alright until he made things a hell of alot worse for me with his control and abuse... Then I realise I hate him just as much as I love him but only because of the times (and there wasn't many) that he made me feel so great.

3/ Sometimes (I feel) that we think we love a person because for a little bit they take away the pains we have felt before and because we come to realise that this feeling is good we allow it for some time even of that person deep down is hurting us and we know they are going to make us worse. Maybe its just what has happened to me I don't know but either way it's good whilst it lasts, right? Then bam because we get hurt we resort back to self destruct mode.

4/ This ending, wow. It's so difficult to trust and love completely again though when we have been hurt but partners will (I feel) never understand the pain and heart aches we have been through and I think if they cannot handle us at our worse they don't deserve us at our best either.. So if they leave in our bad times, let them.

Fantastic.
Em