Mixed Emotions

by bella   Jan 19, 2017


The day you left me I will never forget. I felt like I was in an ocean full of mixed emotions and feelingsand I was just swimming through. And I am tired of swimming. I'm done.

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  • 7 years ago

    by Em

    Bella, this is an honest write and most probably relatable to many of us here.

    Title - it makes you may to read on about why there are mixed emotions and links to the content nicely.

    The day you left me I will never forget.
    ^
    Makes me question how long ago did they leave, why won't you forget etc.. Has a lover left or is it about a person you felt deadly about passing on?

    I felt like I was in an ocean full of mixed emotions and feelingsand I was just swimming through
    ^
    Wow, these is only one way being in an ocean is going to go for me is me drowning as I am scared of water because of the past so I never learnt to swim lol anyway being in an ocean with your own emotions is a fab image and makes me think of a person in water with all the Emojis surrounding them.
    Separate feelings and, also I think the second and could be replaced with a comma though only a suggestion.

    And I am tired of swimming. I'm done.
    ^
    A powerful ending that states (of course) that you're done trying to swim through life. I think, and it's only a suggestion, that the 'I'm done' could be separated from the rest of the piece so the reader has time to digest it all.

    Great first write posted by you.
    Em

  • 7 years ago

    by Ben Pickard

    Bella - a warm welcome to the site.

    There does come a point when we become 'tired of swimming' but we must keep trying anyway or we will sink. Stay strong and keep writing,

    Ben

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