Hellon, I often want to trawl back through my earlier pieces and 're-vamp' a few pieces, and one day I will. For now though, I will read other poems like this. I must add a before and after, would show the extent of the changes and appreciation of the sculpting that goes on to create a final piece. Question - is a poem ever finished?
To the poem - I like poems that have misdirection; they're like a good joke where they take the reader on a journey and then the punch line delivers a satisfying end.
Your journey is that old tale, told millions of times and each in it's own unique way. Here boy meets girl, or more specifically, girl waves at boy - and there you have it, connection. The electricity starts, chemistry and biology now can work and perhaps love will ensue.
The punch line of the wave being more of a swat of deterring a pesky fly was/ is a good one and made me smile. But as many of your poems, they leave more for the reader, like an after taste of a flavoursome meal; something to mull over, a bit of mystery - I like this most of all, or do I?
1 year ago
This is a pretty funny scenario and it reminded me of a programme I watched a couple of years ago which was based on finding out the cause to a crash and it turned out a woman was wafting a wasp away as she was allergic. Anyway, nice to see you writing again.
Take care, Em
I liked your poem a lot Hellon. So descriptive and one that made me want to read on to the very end.
I also loved your clever lines used, 'your smile danced towards me', that was just one of the great lines you used. Well done!
I love the descriptive flow of this. The innocence of a romantic encounter with all the embarressment and the little twist with the fly. You have a knack for bringing vivid realism to your poetry which draws in the reader. Capturing a moment in time that seems so real and will surely resonate with anyone who has had an experience of awkwardness when meeting a stranger. Very well written and enjoyable piece. Milly x