Gel, another great rhyming poetry by you that speaks volumes to those of us who can relate.
1/ A truly good opening. We cannot make someone love us, they either do or don't unfortunately but wouldn't it be swell if we could because then there'd be no heart ache and pain but I guess thats a part and parcel of life.
2/ This made me wonder why is there a dent in their heart.. Past love or just pure self love?? Hmm.
3/ The first line here is a little off putting (my opinion) it just doesn't seem to read right maybe "though I've tried and tried" just a suggestion you know me.
4/ Is the beating heart stopped because you're dead (say no) or because you have no one to love you therefore the beating is 'normal' so to speak because its not beating for someone else. Here the last line doesn't sit well... How about "even the sweetness of how you call my name" again a suggestion.
5/ When a love so true is ignored and not nurtured it'll fizzle into something and why wouldn't it? Love needs alot of things to be able to continue and grow.
6/ I like this part as you're saying (I think) that you're willing to wait but I think no matter what if a love isn't returned once, it will not be ever.
The ending well what can I say?? Let's not ask why you'd try again. You obviously love this person and I hope someday, sweet one, they return your love.
Such a pleasing love script could have only come from a person who can understand the deepest reality of love. You know how to pour out the feelings on the paper; which I believe is a remarkable ability. I know some people like taking their love at some different level, as it creates a great attachment to their souls.
Very well written.
“Forgetting all the pain, it’s time to enjoy the beautiful snowfall while looking up at the heaven.”