Comments : Once My Heart Beating Failed

  • 9 months ago

    by Em

    Gel, another great rhyming poetry by you that speaks volumes to those of us who can relate.

    1/ A truly good opening. We cannot make someone love us, they either do or don't unfortunately but wouldn't it be swell if we could because then there'd be no heart ache and pain but I guess thats a part and parcel of life.

    2/ This made me wonder why is there a dent in their heart.. Past love or just pure self love?? Hmm.

    3/ The first line here is a little off putting (my opinion) it just doesn't seem to read right maybe "though I've tried and tried" just a suggestion you know me.

    4/ Is the beating heart stopped because you're dead (say no) or because you have no one to love you therefore the beating is 'normal' so to speak because its not beating for someone else. Here the last line doesn't sit well... How about "even the sweetness of how you call my name" again a suggestion.

    5/ When a love so true is ignored and not nurtured it'll fizzle into something and why wouldn't it? Love needs alot of things to be able to continue and grow.

    6/ I like this part as you're saying (I think) that you're willing to wait but I think no matter what if a love isn't returned once, it will not be ever.

    The ending well what can I say?? Let's not ask why you'd try again. You obviously love this person and I hope someday, sweet one, they return your love.

    Take care, Em
    X

  • 9 months ago

    by Ben Pickard

    Gel,
    As sad as this piece is, the rhythm and rhyme really are quite superb here.
    Technically, this is some of your best work in my opinion.

    All the best as ever,
    Ben

  • 8 months ago

    by Naughtymouse

    Totally agree with Ben and Em (haha I'm a poet and don't know it!) the rhymes were spot on and your imagery and the overall format of this is great, defo one of my favourite writes from you!

    The other Ben

    • 8 months ago

      by Golden AnGel Rhapsodist

      Oh, thank you so much, Ben II... words coming from you all make me wanna write again.

  • 8 months ago

    by deeplydesturbed

    Gel i agree with everyone else.. they always beat me to summing up peoples new pieces.. stop it guys! :P

    well done :) i enjoyed this sad piece..

    • 8 months ago

      by Golden AnGel Rhapsodist

      Hey Naomi,
      I missed you... never mind the guys lol... I want the old layout of the website back ...I missed the pink colour.. lol, by the way, thank you for the comment.

    • 8 months ago

      by deeplydesturbed

      I miss you too Gel!!!

  • 8 months ago

    by Brenda

    Awww, Gel, this is just lovely! I have missed your work, glad you are back! Hugs-

    • 8 months ago

      by Golden AnGel Rhapsodist

      Hey Brenda,
      I'm glad to know you missed my work. ...missed all your work too. ... gonna read some before goin to bed

  • 5 months ago

    by mossgirl19

    Wow, this is beautiful, Gel! I like it very much.