Comments : Black cloud

  • 6 months ago

    by Ren

    Oh, Em. This is such a deeply sad and emotional write. Sometimes our demons can really get the best of us, and it's a struggle to move past them and tune out their frightful voices.

    "but I'll prove to these bastards
    I'm a strong lady with alot of worth."

    But with that attitude (love those lines, they speak volumes), those voices and demons don't stand a chance! Stay strong, hang in there, and keep putting one foot in front of the other :) Much love to you, hon!

    • 6 months ago

      by Em

      Thanks for you comment it's greatly appreciated

    • 6 months ago

      by Tony

      ^^What she said

  • 6 months ago

    by Tony

    Beautiful empowering story, and one I can personally relate to (story for another day). I would only tweek the syllable count of each line for flow, for example:

    "they don't seem to mind
    if it's day or it's night
    every time they return
    They are filled with delight

    they call me these names
    like the kids did from school
    then I hear them laughing
    As if I were a fool"

    I find things flow better when you end a line with a consonant sound over a vowel (the 'n' in return over the 'y' in they)

    Im truly impressed

    • 6 months ago

      by Em

      Thank you Tony I shall take a look and see what I can come up with

  • 6 months ago

    by Alec

    Wow. I had to read it twice. Im a fan of dark poetry, but more so when there is a light at the end of the tunnel. And to recycle the word Tony used... Empowering

  • 6 months ago

    by mossgirl19

    Another strong write, Em. I really like your fighting spirit! Chin up!

    • 6 months ago

      by Em

      Thanks Alec and mg

  • 6 months ago

    by deeplydesturbed

    Em.. you are worth so so much. Im glad you realise this!! Keep on fighting babe xx

  • 6 months ago

    by Brenda

    Em, absolutely do not listen to those voices! You are an amazing young lady, talented, beautiful, such a giving soul. Don't ever forget This! Love you girl! Hugs -

    • 6 months ago

      by Em

      Thanks n and Brenda

  • 3 months ago

    by Sherry Caayupan

    What a good write...reminds me of the song "Through The Rain" by Mariah Carey. Ever listened to that? Anywayz, take care and have a nice day... :)

  • 2 months ago

    by Loco4Loco

    Great write!

    "..but I'll prove to these bastards
    I'm a strong lady with alot of worth.."

    I know cussing isnt allowed but A fkn MEN girl. You got this. Keep writing!