Comments : They Call The Sun Yellow

  • 4 months ago

    by mossgirl19

    Aww...what sadness, Ben. I can only relate so much. Even with a sad piece, your creativity still shines - smooth rhymes spot on and lovely choice of words.

    The sadness is excellently expressed. Every stanza has its individual weight...the third stanza is just perfect. Perfect picture of sadness. Parched and dry - two words to describe me, too.

    I hope you are well and much warmth to you.

    • 4 months ago

      by Ben Pickard

      Thanks for all your time, Mel. Your comments are always appreciated.

  • 4 months ago

    by The Po whet

    The way you've portrayed that dark mood in this piece is simply amazing. And also the way your persona is wishing things were different if it were in his power is also very touching.

    • 4 months ago

      by Ben Pickard

      Thank you, Moa

    • 4 months ago

      by PETER EDWARDS

      Another phenomenal write Ben. Just blew me away as everything that you write does! Well done!

  • 4 months ago

    by Maple Tree

    I just can't comment.....I'm blown away! WOW

    • 4 months ago

      by Ben Pickard

      Maple, you've let me down! lol.
      Thanks as ever

  • 4 months ago

    by deeplydesturbed

    BENNY! OH EMMM GEEE

    I drink too much wine and lose too many nights;
    I see the world in an eye-soaked haze of claret red.
    I have danced with the devil for far too long

    ^^^^^^^^
    This is exactly what I am going through.. you have taken all my work and just blown it to smitherines with this..
    What ana amazing piece!! I am so glad its up..

    Just wow....

    • 4 months ago

      by Ben Pickard

      Thanks, Naomi; I thought you may understand this one...

  • 4 months ago

    by Ren

    This phenomenal write has left me breathless...

    "They call the sun yellow - perhaps my eyes are blind:
    I see it in the greyish hue to which my moods are prone."
    ^^
    THESE LINES! Just...WOW...

    Amazing write, as always, Ben!! Much love and peace to you!

    (<3)^Click!

  • 4 months ago

    by Em

    Ben this resonates so much with me. The oblivion we go into when drinking nothing else seems to matter at that moment in time apart from finishing off the bottle or when the next drink will be and it's difficult to overcome though maybe I have the wrong end of the stick but all I am going to say is... If I can overcome it then you can to.

    Take care
    Em

    • 4 months ago

      by Ben Pickard

      Em, it isn't too literal...only sometimes.
      Take care.

  • 4 months ago

    by Ben Pickard

    Thanks Peter. Good to hear from you.

  • 4 months ago

    by CRAFTY KEN

    Ben you already have my vote but I think I missed commenting so here it is; Great poem about a man who is not a tea tot-tiler, who's mind and thoughts lead him to things he inwardly does not want to do. It's a boring dismal existence with wishes for better things. Very nice lines as usual from you!

  • 4 months ago

    by CRAFTY KEN

    Ben you already have my vote but I think I missed commenting so here it is; Great poem about a man who is not a tea tot-tiler, who mind and thoughts lead him to things he inwardly does not want to do. It's a boring dismal existence with wishes for better things. Very nice lines as usual from you!

  • 4 months ago

    by CJ Maleney

    There is always a source of moisture
    To sooth those sore cracked lips
    It could come from plant or stream
    Or perhaps from just a kiss

    There are those around that love you
    And to you them. you must hold
    The sun is not cracked and yellow

    It is beautiful in gold.

    You just need to look,

    Hope your ok dude

    Craig

    • 4 months ago

      by Ren

      <3

    • 4 months ago

      by Ben Pickard

      Lovely comment, Craig. Thank you.