Quick Poem & Letter III

by hiraeth   Jul 6, 2017


x.

I know of you,

once my heart knew you with
the kind of intimacy that only
can be felt at three am when
the tides of the sea came
calling for me when luna
kept me company on
star-lit rocky shores,

the foaming sea was
lapping at me (for me)
because the westerly winds
no longer brought the aroma
of rainflowers with it, but
instead artemisa and adonis.

into the crevice of the shore
you fell, where lichen thrives;
funny, I know lichen grows
in the shade because too much
warmth is not hospitable for it.

i know i’m only capable of
offering warmth and saccharine,
not much sustenance, so was I
inhospitable for you? was I
something temporary for you,
or was it that you came to the
realization you needed
something more?

i know I was never home for you,
but to me,
you were a fountain of comfort,
springs of hope,
winters were wastelands blossomed,
you left lilacs for me in early april,
reassuring me that it truly is the
cruelest month.

i know i buried your ghost
a couple of fortnights ago
(…it might be years, actually)
but i wouldn’t be honest
if I weren’t to admit that
the thought of you
is still very much alive,
i tend to your wick
and keep it burning in hopes
that somewhere out there,

you found stability,
and everything you
needed to blossom.

it hurts, that our soils
wasn’t enough for
your roots to
permeate and
take place,

but I remind myself
that songbirds migrate
south to their second
homes.

xi.

blood is only as thick as you make it:

you two are not worthy of any more words
because I only have genuine sorrow for you
both, for the way your lives turned out,

when you were capable of so much more.

i know you two were years older,
but you were still children,

(something that took me ages to realize)

leaving in search of something better,
only to never find it.

I no longer dwell on the ‘what-ifs’,

like what if any one of you were around
when I needed you the most,

because parents are not always understanding,
when close-knit cousins are.

xii.

dichotomy:

i'm torn by one’s absence
and another’s presence…

you birth something in me,
paint me in shades I never
thought I would don

which is why I said I was your
‘fleeting salar de uyini’,
because for the longest
time I thought I was
barren, and when you came,
you brought a stream of sadness
(not on purpose)
but it rained,

and I reflected the best
parts of you,
subconsciously

because I thought you needed something
like a reminder that the whole world
isn’t as bleak as your experiences
would have you think.

i’ve pulled apart your threads
and stitched them to keep me
warm, and I mean in that in the
sense, I found the ‘something’
in you that you’ve been
searching for so long.

you were a crutch,
and int the crux of it all
you were a wildfire,
consuming everything
(i’ll admit that I was
tinder, yours for the taking)

because I gave you too much of me,
when you were in need,
and ran me barren,

but that was my fault as much
as it was yours,

but deep down,
i know that wildfires
are often necessary.

-------------------------

i need you to know that,

i learned how to live with & without you, the days where i wasn't able to breathe because i felt absolutely empty are something in the past.
i don't have to take extra care now when i'm touching the past in fear of grazing a wound that hasn't healed, because now they're all scars,
it feels mostly sore, like the day after you go to the gym, and know that soreness means muscle cells are repairing itself (and so am I).

but above all,

i learned there's something palpable within me, and some day it just might blossom.

6


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Latest Comments

  • 4 months ago

    by ether

    boy oh boy does this bring the feels. you teleported me right back to an old relationship (from nearly a decade ago) where everything in this could be twisted to match that senario. although i'm sure everyone can relate to this to a certain extent. you caught the essence of human vulnerability so seamlessly.

    i cannot help but feel as though if this piece were written on paper it would slowly dissolve to ash in your hands, departing in the softest breeze, line by line. or if this were to be spoken, it would be spoken on a cool winters night, walking down a semi rural street, with your words turning straight in to steam as the breath meets the atmosphere.

    very inspiring. thank you.

    • 4 months ago

      by hiraeth

      " if this piece were written on paper it would slowly dissolve to ash in your hands, departing in the softest breeze, line by line. or if this were to be spoken, it would be spoken on a cool winters night, walking down a semi rural street, with your words turning straight in to steam as the breath meets the atmosphere. "

      No, thank you. That was beautiful. :)

  • 5 months ago

    by Milly Hayward

    Beautiful, such detail and imagery - I feel this is a poem that no matter how many times I read it I will discover more and more hidden depths to it like the petals of a flower.. loved it x

  • 5 months ago

    by Ben Pickard

    Mark, the delicacy and craft of your writing never ceases to amaze me.

    All the best.

  • 5 months ago

    by Michael

    Dear hiraeth,

    I feel like writing a letter, just breaking down your very incredible piece of writing. Happily blown away :)
    So much beauty in this poem, so much of everything.

    Simply wonderful

    Michael :)

  • 5 months ago

    by mossgirl19

    So glad to read a new post from you. Breathtaking yet again. There is so much longing and hoping in this one. Loving is never easy, I guess.

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