The story was intriguing, but I feel the rhythm was marred by it. It struggled at times, I think. Particularly in the eighth stanza:
The man sourly grinned, “Aha! So, that’s all you see?
You are but wasting my precious time!”
But he added, “Well, no, I see some curious things actually
And I hope I’m not out of the line.”
I personally feel that the first and third lines were perhaps a tad too long.
But I certainly applaud your storytelling. This poem was a mystery I was eager to have revealed.
7 months ago
Mel,the way you narrate the events is amazing.
Enjoyed reading this great piece. :)