Hello Em. I'm going to read this, couplet by couplet.
I wake in a cold sweat thinking of what you did
and of all the nostalgic scars I perfectly hid
Coupled with the title, this is a terribly sad start. Night terrors (not just nightmares) are truly awful enough, so the wishing for them means the reality that actually haunts you must be awful indeed. To dream such dreadfulness (whatever it may be) and then wake to remember the truth behind them is a terrible thing to face.
of the times passed by whilst counting to six
so you could get your attention seeking fix
Counting to six while this bully has his way with you, emotionally or physically - perhaps both. Either way, too often I have heard tell tales of girls who used this trick, simply to block out what was actually occurring, thus allowing them to cope...for the present anyway. These things have a way of catching us up and scarring, as I'm sure you will agree.
the emotional scars they have stuck to me like glue
making it impossible for me to be able to forget you
And right on cue, there we have it. Your 'counting to six' trick really was not the long term answer. We do what we can to survive the present - and have every right to - but, at some point, the crux of the issue must be dealt with or we're left 'emotionally scarred'.
though I try hard I only have to look in any mirror
as staring back is a woman you filled with terror
We try to run away, forget, move on, but the problem is, every time we look in the mirror, the past and the past's experiences are there, tormenting us. I guess it's that wretched saying 'we can't run away from ourselves' that applies here unfortunately.
unable to withstand your torture she's smothered in gloom
until she's in her final resting place; alongside the new moon
A terribly upsetting end: death, here at least and for her/you is the only real relief. Such suffering has been endured, and so much gloom has descended upon the victim's life, only resting with the moon will gift escape from these experiences, once and for all.
A really well written piece, Em, and I hope you forgive me for dissecting your experiences.
Em, I can only remotely begin to understand the hell this man put you through. The only thing I can offer in solace is the fact you have survived him and continue on despite his best efforts to extinguish your light. That says a lot about you. Pull strength from.that. Hugs my friend-
Em, are you really going through all these things you mention in your poems?
Like, Em, the poems I write they are about others. Stories of the people I meet in daily life , their pain, love, emotions, but never about me.
Recently, you have written such dark pieces and you keep on writing them, that's why I asked.
And yeah about the gem you just wrote, it's possible that we forget the good memories, but bad memories are unforgettable.
All the torture, the pain once you go through its something not easy to forget no matter where you go, where you hide yourself. Take care.