I think this poem shows such desolation of soul as to be worrying. I feel (rightly or wrongly) that this is a real call for help and it breaks my heart. Loneliness and depression is something that a lot of people feel at some time through their lives. If you have never had a family or been part of a dysfunctional one or felt unloved as a child then it is only natural that you would long to be loved and be part of a family. Its a terrible thing to have nobody no parents or siblings or relatives or to feel that nobody will ever love you.
What makes it worse is that the more depressed someone gets the less people want to hang around with them because everyone has their own challenges and fears and they don't want to hang out with miserable people because it brings them down too.
But in this poem amidst all of the depressive thoughts comes shining through that you have in your life the most precious gift that anyone can have. You have children. Do you know how many people long for children who spend their whole lives wishing for a child to hold in their arms? You brought life into this world with your sons more than once. Your relationship might have fallen apart but your children love you unconditionally ok they might act like they don't at times but they love their parents no matter what they do. They need you from the moment they are born until they grow old even if you don't feel that sometimes.
Nobody is ever a nobody - everyone has a purpose they just need to find it. It can be something small like helping people, volunteering, even just popping in to see how a neighbour is doing. My grandmother used to make meals and take them around to other elderly neighbours who were nearly always a lot younger than she was right through to her stroke when she was eighty three.
Your sons are or should be one of the purposes in your life because even when they get married and move away and have children there is nothing like the love a child has for its parent no matter how much they love their partners.
If you keep feeling so low that you want to die then you need to get professional help because it could be chemical imbalance or just being unhappy about your circumstances either way a doctor or councillor should be able to help.
Someone once said that "suicide is the permanent solution to a temporary situation" and I believe this is right because you have no idea what will happen tomorrow and fate has an uncanny way of throwing your life into all sorts of directions when you least expect it in ways that you never thought possible both for the good and the bad.
I hope things get better for you soon. Take care Milly x
....me being naive I thought once that having kids is enough to keep one out of the mental gutters....but I've seen it myself...a devoted mother of three children... So many grandkids....still not enough reason on its own to live for some people. Strength lies inside of you, stay strong!