I wonder if forgiveness can be
bought like love or is it just given
I wonder if every night will be like
this with me crying under my blanket
pretending to be invisible, hoping that
for once i won't confide with excuses
on how i got these bruises. However-
tonight my thoughts were unanswered.
A sigh quivers from blistered lips as i
prepare to fight my own battle and lose
again. I am just a child though, but i guess
everyday is war inside my own mind. Maybe
this is punishment for touching myself to
give myself a taste of pleasure just once-
to feel anything but pain. I wish i believed that.
I may kick and scream but duct tape works
wonders to silence the emotions that i let out.
i just hope they will be fast tonight, I'm really tired.
Can you really forgive 14 years of pain though?
Powerful. I'm trying to find words to explain how I feel about forgiveness... sometimes I go back and forth. Like I was taught and understand it can be a form of healing, and it's good to not be bitter, but there ARE certain things in my life that are unforgivable and inexcusable. If I let that person back into my life and get close, it would only be a matter of time.
I hope writing about this helped ease some of the pain. Your feelings are valid and no one can take that away from you.
I really envy how you expressed this feeling so accurately... in one way or another I have been there and sometimes still find myself back there. You are a strong person...it takes a lot of strength to be raw and honest about what you undergo. I'm glad this is nominated and more glad that you are back on the site. :-)