I have you

I take a hit of my lit cigarette
And look around me,
Taking in everything around me.
My headphones are in but my thoughts are all over the place
an I’m trying to figure out how to admit to you that I’m not ok.
I cut myself last week,
for the first time in almost a year
when my best friend threw
my teacher in my face.
Her words hurt more than I wanted to admit and she even went
As far as trying to put you down too
And I lost it.
Things have been hard enough
and It’s been a struggle to stay clean period point blank.
I know you’ve told me so many times that you aren’t
Ever going anywhere but I’m still
scared.
The fear of losing you is
scarier than anything else I’ve ever faced;
There are no words to describe what you mean to me.
I take a deep breath and look
to my left,
Waiting and watching for my bus.
I may not be ok right now,
But I know that at some point I will be,
Because I have you.