Sometimes love can shatter a soul,
Even when it's the sweetest of things.
It can take its toll
And strum the soft yet loud strings
Of a heart; I treasure the man
I gave my all to, he is my savior,
But my self-loathing keeps me from standing
I push him away, it's just etched into my nature,
His love is like a cool, frigid drink of water
While I burn in my mental flames.
I crave him, but as an aide, for he makes things better
And worse in the same turn; it is a shame.
The longer he shows and proves he loves me,
The more my demons scream that I fail
As a wife, a friend, a support he deserves indubitably;
I weep so often that my tears have left a permanent trail.
I drown in my lack of self esteem
While he holds my hand so gently and firmly,
His kiss is like a dream
That my mind says I don't deserve in a way that's surly.
My heart and my mind are in a never ending battle,
They both scream and drag me into their depths
One so cold, the other so warm; it leaves me rattled
But with a mere attempt of baby steps,
I start to see the girl I lost, but the woman he found.
One day, I will love the me that he sees,
And one day, the demons will cease to exist.
It sounds like you have a lovely man in love with you. From the poem it seems that you feel allowing your self to be loved is failure. Self esteem grows when you stop being so hard on yourself. It's allowing yourself to make mistakes and recognising and congratulating yourself on all of the things you do well and forgiving yourself for what you perceive you do wrong. A thought provoking piece. Milly x