Comments : Perhaps

  • 6 years ago

    by Milly Hayward

    I like the visuals that each stanza portrays. The first stanza is very clear and an excellent creative start.

    The second stanza paints a vivid moon lit night

    I think the third is describing desire which should be sharp but isnt sharp enough to cut a jelly fishes eye

    A sun stroke was speechless without a sun the gift of a night made me think that you were saying that night was a gift rather than the alternative which would be painful like sunburn or take away the sun from the sun burn and the sunburn is defunct and so you are left with the gift of cool night?

    I loved "The sweet tooth of a lie scoops a truth" its a great metaphor but "king of bitters" made me struggle a little. I wondered if the addiction to lying left a bitter taste so by being a consistent liar by default would be the king of bitters taste?

    I could be completely off track but I thought I would give it s whirl. It's certainly thought provoking and very deep. Best wishes Milly x