by BlueJay
It's a little long for my taste, and there are some things that could have been condensed but otherwise this piece has tons of emotion and a story to it as well so nicely done there. However, some of the rhymes felt not forced, but out of place - you had a decent vocabulary and everything made sense, but the type of words you chose at the beginning of a stanza vs the end of it were different levels and sometimes drastically, which made it difficult to gain a sense of who you are or what the heck your poetic voice really sounds like (which was frustrating for me because that's one of my favorite parts of poetry). But I mean other than that which seems like a big thing, but was actually relatively minor this was a good write and it had some touches of beauty that really left me stunned. |
by C Cattaway
Thankyou. I write as I think, so it's always a rough draft, except I don't know how to edit. In this instance, though, I didn't really know how to say what I wanted, so it's jilted because it was the only way I could write it. |
by Ben Pickard
This was indeed honest and emotional work and interestingly rhymed throughout. Thoroughly enjoyed. |
by Risqué
I enjoyed the continued imagery of the blue eyes, and how it followed through the entire poem; it really ties everything together nicely. I enjoyed this journey, thank you. |
"Your past can't hold a ransom note" |