Melting Moments

by deeplydesturbed   Oct 26, 2017


First setting eyes on you
the desire is overwhelming
the way you pull me into you
I feel weak at the knees
I need you now!

Salivating at the thought of you
Imagining our time together
Oh how I will savour you
Blocking out the rest of the world
Come to me!!

Your hard outside shell
Coupled with your core
Is an interesting experience
I will cherish for eternity
Never leave me!

Holding you close
I split you down the middle
Lapping at your delicious cream
A slight moan escapes my lips
You are a dream!

As I lick your creamy center
I get two different tastes
One of a dark chocolate
The other an intense white
You are heaven!

Oh dear Oreo cookie
How are you so delicious?
Your new split flavour is
And forever will be
A heavenly sin

9


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Latest Comments

  • 6 years ago

    by naaz

    DD, you created the suspense throughout.
    The last stanza tells it's not a sensual one.
    Though the Imaginary looks sensual throughout the poem, at the same time it's...

    Visual is in these lines..

    First setting eyes on you
    the desire is overwhelming...

    DD, the first time I saw it I felt the same emotional effect.
    It is so overpowering that it can make God feel weak at his knees.
    Even God has to find a way to pull himself out of it.

    Olfactory in..

    Salivating at the thought of you, lapping at your delicious cream...

    DD, I used to get excited thinking about the oreos'. I took a corner in the house where my sister couldn't find me or the parents.
    Sister wanted me to share it with her and parents were scared of cavities. But somehow I always managed to commit this heavenly sin.

    Tactile in these lines..

    As I lick your creamy center
    I get two different tastes
    One of a dark chocolate
    The other an intense white...

    DD, I guess everyone has their time with oreo cookies and this poem takes us to those moments we used to spend inside the shell of its dark chocolate and as we started to lick its cream we saw this world is melting, like there is nothing in between us and oreo; like this world doesn't exist anymore.

    Audio in..

    Your hard outside shell...
    DD, though you have taken its bite, yet I can hear its crunch.
    It is so irresistible, one can't stop himself from moaning.
    I used to do it to tease my sister.

    I found one alliteration - creamy center.

    You chose the most appropriate title, the imaginary is delicious just as Oreo, the language throughout is salivating.
    It is not something we get to read every day.
    I respect the judges decision. I know, it's easy to say but it's hard to choose three among the 30, but at the same time I believe that a creativity like that should be fully appreciated just like the other categories.
    The last stanza leaves you with a smile on your face.
    There is a hidden cuteness in this poem, and one can't find it until he/she reads the last stanza.
    DD, I don't know what else to mention besides that I enjoyed every bite of this poem.
    Loved it:)

    • 6 years ago

      by deeplydesturbed

      Thank you kindly for the extensive comment. Typo fixed :)

      The breakdown is excellent!!

      Thanks for taking the time :) glad you enjoyed

  • 6 years ago

    by IdTakeABulletForYou

    *You’re hard outside shell = Your hard outside shell

    I really thought you had submitted a risqué piece for a bit there, I was like daaaaaaamn! Not that there would be anything wrong with that :)

    Loved it! Great job darling :)
    S

    • 6 years ago

      by deeplydesturbed

      Haha i will soon.. possibly an idea for a.collab ;)

      Glad you enjoyed

  • 6 years ago

    by Michael

    I love this nams...
    but crumbs- Oreo's not my cup of biscuit haha
    Very clever piece lady
    much love
    Michael x

    • 6 years ago

      by deeplydesturbed

      Thanks Michael

      Its okay!! Ill re-write with a different one..

  • 6 years ago

    by Brenda

    Woah Nams! Nicely done lol....I wasn't quite sure where you were heading with this. I too will never look at an Oreo cookie the same way again- :)

    • 6 years ago

      by deeplydesturbed

      HAHA Thanks Brenda!! :)
      Just a little chuckle i think we all need nearing the end of the week :)

  • 6 years ago

    by BlueJay

    I'm surprised that Senyru hasn't come across this yet, or if he has that there is no comment. But either way this is still well written, interesting, and absolutely unique.

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