Comments : Within The Pages

  • 10 months ago

    by Ben Pickard

    Superb piece of rhyming poetry. Well done on this.

    All the best,

    Ben

  • 10 months ago

    by Amrita Singh

    This composition is just 'wow'! The way it is written is so beautiful :)
    Keep writing :)

  • 10 months ago

    by ddavidd

    So poetical CC. A mirror to who you are. Lovely!

  • 10 months ago

    by Dagmar Wilson

    Enjoyed reading this beautiful piece of yours. All the best.

  • 10 months ago

    by C Cattaway

    Thankyou. I always appreciate the comments. We're all on it together ;-)

    Catherine x

  • 10 months ago

    by mossgirl19

    Cath, this is breathtaking! Adding this to my faves.

    Lovely message so poetically expressed. Your rhyming here is just great.

  • 10 months ago

    by Ben Pickard

    *Nominated

    • 10 months ago

      by C Cattaway

      Thankyou so much, for not only nominating, but for reading it at all :-) The praise is wonderful. Thankyou.

      Catherine x

  • 10 months ago

    by Em

    So glad to see this nominated it'd very relateable to many of us here

  • 10 months ago

    by Milly Hayward

    Glad to see this nominated. A breathtaking piece with great rhyming and depth that will appeal to anyone who gas traversed a similar path. Loved it Milly x

  • 10 months ago

    by Kitty Cat Lady

    Fairytales and love stories have a lot to answer for with regards to our expectations of love. This is beautifully crafted Catherine :-) x
    =^.^=

  • 10 months ago

    by Fredy Sanchez

    I keep reading this piece over and over.... the flow is so amazing .. the way it feels like a I can see the journey through the stanzas... well deserved nomination

  • 9 months ago

    by mossgirl19

    Congrats on the win, Cath!

  • 9 months ago

    by C Cattaway

    Aww! Thankyou all, for my win :-) I'm touched :-)

    Warm regards,
    Catherine x

  • 9 months ago

    by Dagmar Wilson

    Congrats on your win

  • 9 months ago

    by naaz

    Congratulations!

  • 9 months ago

    by Kereen

    This was beautiful and captivating.
    Congrats on the win

    K. M.

  • 7 months ago

    by Tony

    You asked for critique,

    As far as structure goes yours is spot on here. I've seen many people who try to write rhyming stanzas and they will have lines that are too wordy, or have too many syllables which can break the flow of a piece. The same can happen with too few. I would change the 6th stanza to,

    "I tried so hard to be her,
    I tried being who I am.
    Yet still I find myself alone,
    And lonely as I stand.

    I feel it flows better than splitting the second sentence between two lines.

    Your skill at rhyme needs no analysis, I do however challenge you to try your hand at consonence. For example, "while I've grow old and weary knowing." Changing one word gives this line a recurring "w" sound that is pleasing to the ear and adds to the flow of the piece. You can also substitute the "old" with "wise" and achieve the same effect.

    To the message? It is beautiful and you could not have done better. You are a talented storyteller yourself, and my only request is to try your hand at dialogue. No one tells a story better than the characters who are in it.

    Congrats on the win.