Wrong Number (senryu)

by Ben Pickard   Feb 16, 2018


As babes cry for milk,
parents are preoccupied
nourishing their phones

--

Ben Pickard

14


Did You Like This Poem?

Latest Comments

  • 1 month ago

    by VAHID

    the title!

  • 5 months ago

    by Phoenix ¥

    This poem is so simplistically elegant and insightful. Thank you x

  • 5 months ago

    by Jamie

    I think the title of a poem is an underrated aspect of any poem itself, that being said i don't think you could have put a more perfect title in my opinion, because it really details to me the beginning line to the end line and enhances the poem.

    I am going to take this line by line when i comment :).

    The first line has me reading more into the poem as needed xD, but i am going to take the very first word "as". I think you used "as" because there is something wrong and they will not be fed the milk that they need. If you used "when" instead, the baby would have been fed. So i read it as the baby is not being fed and because of that they are crying.

    Line two- This is a great line because it 100 percent continues the first line perfectly. So the babies are not getting fed because the parents are preoccupied with something that they think is more important than their child. In reality nothing should be more important.

    Line three- The ending wraps up the poem well. So to continue the parents are nourishing their phones instead of their child, which i think is true in the world we live in nowadays.

    The poem tells a story within the three lines conveyed, which in a senryu i think is the most important thing, you tell the story well. And i didn't see anything to criticize. Excellent work.

  • 5 months ago

    by Karen Montegrande

    REAL and i have been seeing too much of this especially in my job. this is not good but people continue to do it as they are more busy with technology than there childs happiness

  • 5 months ago

    by Meena Krish

    A painful reality and it works both ways...now children too
    are soaked right inside of a phone with so many apps out there to
    capture a child. Then again who do you blame...the parents, the kids
    or the phone. Good write Ben.

    • 5 months ago

      by Ben Pickard

      You are right, Meena. The blame isn't easy to place, I suppose. Thanks for reading.

People Who Liked This Also Liked