Speaking Freely

that sense of belonging
Is rarely felt
By someone like me
Who's literally screaming for help

Who's stuck in an ocean
Slowly sinking below
As the waves envelope me
And swallow me whole

Except it's not an ocean
It's just my anxiety
Of talking to others
Slowly taking priority

I try to force words out
Try to break free
But I stumble and fall
The words never leaving me

Because I can't say what I want to
I am completely and utterly controlled
By my own worst fears
That are slowly taking hold

They chain me to them
Don't let me speak
So in any social setting
I'm suddenly meek

Unable to know
What I should say
Tongue- tied and lost
Why does it have to be this way?

In class I can speak with freedom
But the minute I'm in a group
I suddenly lose control
It's like a never- ending loop

It's so frustrating
That I cannot talk
Without over- analysing
Every single thought

About what I should say
How I should speak
What word should leave my mouth
And what I should keep