Comments : Torturous Alone

  • 2 months ago

    by Em (marmite)

    Aww I like this love can heal and break us can't it? And you portrayed this well through rhyme.. The crocodile stanza was a little off putting in my opinion but I'm glad I finished reading

    • 2 months ago

      by Rei Severs

      A broad grin imitates a crocodile's mouth. A hungry crocodile has a broader grin, So it was relative to me :) This was written not just about love, but about dealing with loss whilst also reflecting how someone on the spectrum feels. Right choices even if painful.

  • 2 months ago

    by Nema

    There is something about the rhyme here that sounds a bit forced, to be honest.
    There is so much suffering and sadness in the poem that it can look even more beautiful without the rhyme. How about you try another version of it without the rhyme, or try to add some inner music to it without focusing too much on getting the right word to rhyme with the other?

    Keep writing! :)

    • 2 months ago

      by Rei Severs

      I was actually writing it whilst choking back tears so could not see :) It followed a rythm I had in my head, more meant to be a song at first.

      I wasn't focused on rhyming, to be honest. When I write, I tend to just pour words on a page from the heart. It's not for everyone. Thanks for the feedback, I will keep the poem as is though since I wrote it for me. Will keep that in mind in future.

  • 2 months ago

    by Brenda

    Rei, I felt your pain in every line. Thank you for sharing this. I feel we have all been in this spot of some sort throughout our lives. It's not easy but it does get better. Hang in there. Hugs-