Time's Backwards Marathon

by Jamie   Mar 5, 2018

To be honest, i never really
thought my depression was
a problem until i read my
journal's word vomit. The

feelings i had were darker
than your heart ever was.
It's difficult to think about
time's backwards marathon

because i was a bomb waiting
to explode and you were the fuse.
I had no one to explore my
sexuality with but who would

want to date the grim reapers
human form? I promised you
that if i didn't keep blaming
myself for Mike's death, i

would be healthier, but it took
me eleven years to stop turning
my left arm into a cutting board
and to realize nothing was my fault.


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Latest Comments

  • 1 week ago

    by Ren

    Super powerful write!

  • 2 weeks ago

    by Em (marmite)

    Hi D.R this is as Ben said a brutally honest piece, like all your work, which I believe pulls at heartstrings and to some here is somewhat relatable.
    Title - this makes me think about going back in time or the need that you would like to go back in time to change some things but hey wouldn't we all?
    Content - Firstly I like how the first word of the next stanza is at the end of the previous stanza, in my opinion this is unique.

    1/ I have been in the depths of depression for many years and at the start it was never a problem not until I started pushing my family and friends away… The imagery of you vomiting words into a journal is a powerfully beautiful but sad image as it shows you felt really alone having to write into a journal.

    2/ This makes me believe that you weren't exactly the reason for your depression (if that makes sense) as some people can be with overthinking and anxiety but here it seems to state that someone was involved in making you feel depressed because there heart seems to be dark but not as dark as your thoughts though maybe I got it all wrong.

    3/ Just my opinion but I believe that we should not let our past define us though it really is hard to so especially when all we seem to get is capped on.. The first two lines here are powerful they show you were easily angered especially by the person you speak of, isn't it funny that a particular person can make or break us so to speak and the last two lines kind of explain why you were angry because maybe you were a little confused back then whereas now you know what you want…

    4/ I absolutely love that first line here it's extremely powerful, beautifully done yet so very sad, it saddens me to think anyone can think of themselves that way but unfortunately some of us do. We also know that you've been through grief and that can hurt any of us especially when it's someone close to us… I do like that you called Mike by his name but the other person you use only ‘you’ it shows Mike meant alot to you and no doubt still does.

    5/ All I can say here is just wow! I'm in tears but I see there's a little hope thrown in as you hopefully no longer blame yourself for thing but I know how hard that can be first hand.
    Take care.

  • 2 weeks ago

    by Ben Pickard

    but it took
    me eleven years to stop turning
    my left arm into a cutting board


    The poem in its entirety is, like all your work, brutal in its honesty, but these lines are incredibly powerful.
    Well done on this,


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