An Alarming Trend (senryu)

by Ben Pickard   Mar 7, 2018

were far more important than
the children ahead


Ben Pickard


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  • 9 months ago

    by Jamie

    Another banger from you ben.

    Again with any title i like this is great because it leaves it up to the readers imagination. If I'm just going by the title itself, this tells me that there is trend of something bad happening in the world now. And the word 'alarming' says it all, the thing that is trending is shocking probably to a lot of people.

    Line one- Just one word, that holds many possibilities. The first thing i ask myself as the reader is what notifications? Could it be facebook, texting, anything else? The first thing i think about is Facebook however. A lot of people pay more attention to Facebook than anything else.

    Line two- Great continuation. As the reader i could say my first assumption is true, whatever these notifications are they are far more important than anything else. And sadly that is the world we live in nowadays. People are always on their phones instead of paying attention to the people around them.

    Ending- Ah, this is actually a perfect ending because again it feels like the end of a story in 3 lines. The buld up here is well and the reader fully understands what you are talking about now. I do see how this ending could be taken in two different ways. It could mean the children of our future, or it could mean the children ahead of the drivers on the road. But either way, the point is the people especially parents should give their love to children instead of paying attention to their notifications. Great write!

    • 9 months ago

      by Ben Pickard

      I love your first interpretation, Jamie. Brilliant comment - thank you.

  • 9 months ago

    by Brenda

    It is so true Ben. Too many distracted drivers and it's put children paying the price. Well done-

  • 9 months ago

    by Kitty Cat Lady

    Packing a punch there with so few words Ben! Imagine the guilt of being the driver that killed a child because they couldn't resist checking their phone while driving ... how would you ever live with yourself? :-(
    Re comments about pedestrians being as much to blame ... I agree to a point - but - I remember refusing to be parted from my Sony Walkman cassette player when I was younger ... it came everywhere with me, so I guess I was just as guilty then of not paying attention as kids are now! :-) x

    • 9 months ago

      by Ben Pickard

      'Sony Walkman' - I had one of those when I was 8 or 9!

  • 9 months ago

    by Em (marmite)

    Ben another fantastic senryu done by you which hits home for many of us I guess as in a few lines you've made a powerfully and unfortunately true piece for today's society.
    Title - this makes me wonder what exactly is an alarming trend and also makes me think of sheep when they follow each other especially when you're trying to count them to get to sleep haha in all seriousness it makes you realise we as a society follow silly trends (the ice bucket challenge for one) even if they are to get us in trouble in the long run and that if we don't then we're 'boring' or 'weird'
    1) A simple one word which in my eyes says it all because those people on social media always follow suit don't they one of many reasons that I stay clear.
    2+3) what a full blown kick in the teeth to many parents because of the truth this brings as it does seem nowadays phones are glued to people's hands and kids get ignored. I recently took my niece and nephew to a play centre and there was a bit of bother another kid was being mean kicking and what were his parents doing? Well I'll give you one guess to say I had stern words is an understatement, it really makes my blood boil.

    Take care x

    Edit: ooh I like Michael's interpretation as he was talking of pedestrians and cars which is a good take on it especially with your last line, I never thought of it like that

  • 9 months ago

    by Michael

    So true, mobiles and driving- danger! danger!
    But I see especially younger ones sadly, headphones on mobile in hand- walking without any concerns into the paths of road machines!
    Great little senyru
    Michael :)

    • 9 months ago

      by Ben Pickard

      Absolutely, Michael - the pedestrians are as much to blame often as the drivers.
      Thank you for your time reading.


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