Change In The Wind

by C Cattaway   Mar 10, 2018


How quickly moods can change. How sudden
Can the black dog come.
How extraordinary that
I'd felt the battle won.

How impossible I feel.
I went from 10 to nought.
I rushed headlong in to a smile,
Yet now the glee is fraught.

All in just a second. When
Reality smacks hard.
I thought I could be positive,
But can't fight my dealt card.

I spent the loveliest of times
In company so sweet,
But didn't feel like I was me,
Just following my feet.

I didn't do what I had said.
My hope ran out on me.
I had to leave you at the door,
Incase you may just see.

Why can't this just be cut & dry?
These memes that tell us how
To bite the bullet; change your path.
Why can't I do that now?

I try. I fail. Reminders everywhere
That I'm just wrong.
My cloud has shadowed over me.
So I only plod on.

Copyright C Cattaway 2018

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Latest Comments

  • 6 years ago

    by Kitty Cat Lady

    Aw Catherine x From your comments you're having an awful time, and this piece really reflects the swiftness of the 'black dog', and how cruel that feels when you feel you've been making progress. But your good friend might just understand if you explained it to him? It's a shame that you feel you have to hide this part of yourself from him. Keep on fighting, because you'll still have the good days when you feel like you're winning, and I agree with Tony ... there's always more options than we initially believe there to be. Sending hugs xx
    =^.^=

    • 6 years ago

      by C Cattaway

      Ah, KCL, he knows how I feel about him.. I'm sure you know the words of Meatloaf's Two Out Of Three Ain't Bad? He has his. He is mine. Life, eh? ;-)
      x

  • 6 years ago

    by Lost One

    You have a style similar to mine Cat, both in structure and that you build a narrative as you go, I believe that's why I am drawn to your work.

    As I read your gem here, I instantly related. But I also feel that anyone would. Who hasn't felt that they were winning the race only to turn a corner and see a long stretch of road ahead of them, or realize that they are in the middle of the pack?

    On a personal note, I just got back from Korea, I was deployed there for 9 months, then was restationed in Colorado, and less than a month after arriving (less than 7 months after coming home), I found out I was going to Afghanistan. Everyone has a story like this.

    "Bite the bullet," grin and bear it, and play the game are all sayings I grew up with. And all of those sayings assume you only have one or two choices. I promise you there is always a third. You may not be able to see it yourself, may need some help finding it... But it's there. Don't bite the bullet anymore, it's no way to live your life.

    I would change:

    "I try. I fail. Reminders everywhere
    That I'm just wrong.
    My cloud has shadowed over me.
    So I only plod on."

    To this:

    "I try. I fail. But I'll carry on,
    Even though I may be wrong;
    For though this cloud overshadows me...
    It just reminds me that I am strong."

    For personal reasons, but mostly because the story you are telling is about an individual who has the strength to "just plod on,'' which is not an easy thing to do. And the fact that they can is implied. But I think the person in this poem is strong. I would finish it by stating that fact.

    All the best,
    -Tony

    • 6 years ago

      by C Cattaway

      Thankyou. I did consider a similar line, but I toyed with the darkness aspect of my words, so deliberately chose the negative in keeping with the mood. I do like the structure of your change, though, & may use something along those lines when I write with a bit more hope..
      I understand your story. The object of my affection has served too, & I know the horrors he has seen. Funnily enough, I spent a chunk of my day with him today, although returning home, my mood dipped astronomically, as it's our UK Mothers Day tomorrow, & 3 of my children aren't here, 2 of whom I don't have a relationship with, & my own mother is passed on, so I felt suddenly as though it didn't matter whether the day was good or bad, because it didn't feel as though I could escape tomorrow.. & because he is such a good friend, yet not able to be the love that I so desperately want him to be, it hit me that I was lost with no family to love me either. It was a lonely moment, & I wanted the poem to portray that.
      x

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