This is a prime example of why I love your writing; you tell a story, a beautiful and relatable story. Your wordcraft is spot on as always.
The last stanza in particular hit home for me, as the door is closing on the last ten years of my life. And you have captured the essence of a breakup perfectly, at least for me. Because even though some people feel that time spent with someone they didn't stay with (in this case a decade) is time wasted, no one wants their accomplishments they made during that time to come undone.
In my case, my "castle" is my children. The foundation is my my marriage. And I would hate to see my castle fall apart because of what I chose to build it upon.
This one really touched me. Well done, truly. All the best,
Ben as ever your writing has moved me, your words always seem to touch me in the way they touch many of us here as they're relatable and the story you weave is usually one we ourselves are familiar with, this is no exception.
The title made me think of grief but of one lost to death but as I read on I realise this is not the case which is unfortunate.
1) This to me says that ‘perhaps’ (being the operative word) this lady friend of yours forgot you with time but it makes me feel sad because it feels as though this lady is very close to you yet sometimes feels lightyears away and sometimes this is the case when depression hits us and we feel like we're just getting by, we question our own motives let alone those of the ones we care about who care about us. I feel this is about a marriage as you mention love though it's possibly it could just be about someone close as I stated previously.
2) from experience I believe that promises unfortunately are usually broken anyway I digress.. Here I feel as though you've both made promises about loving each other through sickness and health etc etc but that things happened before you were due to be wed which were promised to be forgotten about when she at last said ‘she'd be mine’ yet the promises are broken because those things were always brought up possibly in later arguments. I can see the scene now in all honesty but only because I've been there (minus marriage lol)
3) see here I see visualise distance as in an online thing (though probably not) but then I continue the piece and realise (light bulb moment haha) that the distance was possibly due to working or wanting slightly different things say one of you wanting children and the other not or even due to heartbreak of a loss of a child which in turn made you forget the love for each other because of grief making you have to say your goodbyes even though it killed you both due to the distance or maybe it's due to one of you feeling sombre and the other though try as they might cannot understand.. So much can be thought up here but that's what your work is thought provoking and makes you wonder exactly what it's about because it's not always obvious though what is obvious is that regardless of what happened/is happening you both tried to put your differences aside to build the bridge.
4) wow this is extremely powerful as I take the ‘castle’ to be your home and you worry that whatever you did to try and save things will not be understood or liked therefore it will sink ‘beneath the soggy silt’ never to rebuilt again and that regardless of time nothing will change her opinion of what's been done/said unfortunately as those things leave a mark long after they've been said/done.
Ending couplet) makes me believe that even though it's over you have never once forgot whether she has or hasn't because you know now things were said no doubt out of anger or hurt which happens more so to those of us we love. Anyway I have rambled too much and am no doubt far from the meaning of this, just know, it was enjoyable and filled to the brim of fantastic rhyme and imagery
Awesome Ben, it is among or possibly your best ever, a love story that tears apart the readers heart, so many great verses that I could spend hours unraveling!
and that we'd loose that rusty lock
that kept us stuck behind these bars;
she said that she'd be mine at last. Love this one, along with the weeds as those things that creep into relationships and choke the life out of it. It reminds me of a Bible Verse that talks about Evil being like the Foxes that eat the Vines of our Spiritual Lives. Glad it was Nominated, added to my Favorites, along with Anna Elizabeth May.
Ben, I just love your poetry and, for the tenth time maybe, I love your rhyme and how it flows so smoothly and delicately. You're also very good at romantic poetry, and I feel that rhymed poetry always goes in line with romance somehow. I'm not sure; it's just this idea in my head maybe.
I loved loved loved your opening line.
Beautiful writing, Ben!
this poem is written to your usual high standards and as a consequence is, wonderful to read and listen to.
I am glad this has been nominated, as this is, I think, your best piece on the nomination board.
As for the content: When we are young, we dream of being like our heroes - a spaceman, a fireman, or me, a clown! Bingo, just call me, coco. lol Seriously, we plan ahead, so when we find love, we as lovers, dream big. We build 'castles' 'bridges' in our imaginations. We talk into the long dark nights of the children we have, the house we will build and the money we will earn. Question: Is the reality living up to the dream, or is the castle still someway off and the drawbridge fallen into disrepair?