Comments : Once bitten ...

  • 8 months ago

    by - Mr. Darcy

    Tell it to the wind
    Your voice will carry further
    Howl it to the ocean
    The waves will take it high(er)

    Shout it to the stars
    They'll find a space to keep it
    Scream it to the sun
    Let (the sky heat and burn it)

    Cry it to the moon
    The shadows will conceal it
    But don't whisper it to me
    My heart can't hear your lie.
    ^
    Just a slight revision here and there. The rhyme continues throughout, then on the last line, the hard hitting line, hits a double whammy, a lie with no rhyme.

    Excellent poem that I would have nominated.

    Take care.

    • 8 months ago

      by Kitty Cat Lady

      Thanks so much Michael ... I like your revision and it's a good version too :-) I was trying to get away from my usual rhyming scheme a little bit by only rhyming the last words of each stanza with each other, I wouldn't want to be accused of getting stuck in a rhyming rut (lol, I totally am though!) :-) x
      =^.^=

  • 8 months ago

    by Em (marmite)

    Kcl.. I absolutely love this visuals here and the rhyming scheme too, it was done really well so I didn't even notice the rhyming until I saw your comment which in experience is a good thing as you can tell it isn't forced and is fluent.
    The title is one which made me think of the saying 'once bitten, twice shy' as it says that our experiences make us more cautious especially those bad experiences.
    1) This made me believe that you don't want to hear the words this person is saying maybe because you've heard them all before and they were untruthful back then so you have no option but to be cautious and untrusting of those words, for now at least. The image of words being thrown at the wind so they go further also shows that they will kind of fall on deaf ears because you cannot believe them as you have believed such things before which weren't true.
    2) Absolutely loved this stanza because it screams to me that these words from this person can be said/screamed/shouted at you until they're blue in the face but you still will not believe them so they're better using their energy to scream them to the stars and shout them to the sun for them to be able to burn in the sky - maybe that way you'll believe them but I doubt it because once you've heard it before, you've heard it a thousand times right?
    3) This image here is a ghostly one I say this because the shadows will cover the words and that makes me think of a bad past making you cautious thus covering up/not believing words that have seen said previously and as I said before bad pasts make us more cautious but sometimes we should allow ourselves to throw caution to the wind and let things run there course whether good or bad because when we're least expecting it that's when it hits....

    All the best.
    Em x

    • 8 months ago

      by Kitty Cat Lady

      Wow Em! Thank you so much for your fantastic, in-depth comment. You've absolutely hit the nail on the head and understood exactly what I was conveying ... a bit like "yeah, yeah ... I've heard it all before ... talk to the hand!" ... lol
      Thanks again lovely lady xx
      =^.^=

  • 8 months ago

    by Michael

    Miss Kitty just brilliant, and away from your normal rhyming, shows other little hidden talent
    Your on a roll lady for sure

    Much love
    Michael :)x

    • 8 months ago

      by Kitty Cat Lady

      Hey Michael :-) Thanks so much lovely man :-) x
      =^.^=

  • 8 months ago

    by Ya----Na

    Kitty , But the wind has already reached our hearts and telling to read your words again and again.

  • 5 months ago

    by Milly Hayward

    I would have also nominated this superb piece. The visuals and subtle rhyming are excellent. Another example of your enduring talent. Definitely one for my favourites list. Milly x